"I Spilled"

Well, February ended up being a sick month for all of us. We didn't go 4 days without someone breaking a fever or puking. Let's just say I'm WAY OVER GERMS. Ha. This was my first time to deal with the stomach flu as a mom and it was horrible... horrible... horrible. And the sad thing is I know that it could have been so much worse. I've always had a phobia of vomit - my entire life - and so I have always been dreading the day my children started puking. I've been lucky to have gone this long without it and it certainly tested me.

The first time started on a Wednesday - we had just returned home from church and Havana started acting strange. She was wining and asking me to hold her and told me her belly hurt. I tried to get her to eat but she would not. Jason had to leave for work and I said, "What if she pukes?" His response was, "She just might. You'll do fine."

She did, about 10 minutes after he left. As soon as she finished she began crying and said, "Mommy, I spilled." Okay, is that not the cutest name for puke ever?! She threw up two times that day, two days later Selah puked a few times, a few days later I puked, and then it started all over again a few days later with Havana puking again... this time it was rapid fire of 4 times within an hour... that was followed up by Selah puking again. Neither Jason or Jonah got it, thankfully. But I was so over puke and my anxiety was through the roof. I realized that actual act of puking doesn't bother me very much (as long as I don't watch it happen) and that cleaning up doesn't bother me either - it is just my anxiety that I don't know when she might puke again or that I will puke or that Jonah will just start puking, etc... all the unknowns.

I have just - within the past few weeks - eased back into not freaking out whenever my kids are awake. I'm eating again (I went a few weeks without eating very much at all), but I still get anxious the minute Havana says her stomach hurts or lays funny on the couch. I know this is only beginning... our youngest is only 8 months old so i have at least another 18 years to get over puke, but Jason keeps calmly telling me that the Lord is doing a work in me. I would prefer the work to be to simply take away my anxiety over it - make me one of those mamas who doesn't seem phased by puke - but I guess I'll trust Him because really that is all I can do. Okay, must keep this post short so I don't relive everything and become a nervous wreck again. ha.