Off to St. Joseph

Well, our house is acting up yet again! Our air conditioning went back out yesterday. Ugh! So. Hot.

We were supposed to leave tomorrow for the beach at St. Joseph, but seeing as it is a million degrees in our house, we're packing up and heading to the beach a day early. We rented a house that isn't available until tomorrow - so we'll just find a hotel to call home for tonight. Should be an adventure! :)

Last night we went to church - it was promotion weekend and so Havana moved to a new classroom. When we went to pick her up after church we looked in the window and she was being held by one of the volunteers with her head on her shoulder. So sweet. She wasn't crying at all. The lady said that she ran around and played and laughed that day too!

The sermon was on how we need to raise up more preachers and missionaries in today's society. The minister was saying we need to pray continually for the "workers" but we also need to pray specifically. Do we know one young person that shows potential? We should pray for him by name daily. While he was saying this, God whispered into my heart, "Jonah" -- wow! I pray for Jonah, but I don't often pray for him to be a preacher or a missionary. I have told him that perhaps he will be the president of the United States some day and always end that as long as he is a man who fears God and loves his family... that I'll be just as proud of him as if he were the President. But I don't say, "You'll be a Preacher." A sentence or two later, that preacher talked about how his mom always used to tell him, "you'll make a great preacher some day." I took that as a very real confirmation that I should speak that into Jonah's life. I wonder what God has planned for my content little boy, but I need to do my part in keeping options open and honoring vocational ministry. I can already tell that God has a special purpose for Mr. Jonah! Can't wait to see it unfold. :)

I wouldn't be surprised if God calls our family to some sort of overseas missions. Jason and I often talk about different countries that we might move to someday. Jason doesn't feel that we are to move "right now" and I agree with him, but I am praying for Jason to be led to the right place when the time is right. Not sure what God has in store for our family, but we're ready for whatever He calls us to do!

Well, enough typing (and sweating...) time to head to the beach! :)

Lessons from The Husband on the Great Commission

The other day Jason taught me shared with me things that the Lord was teaching him through a book he is reading. I'll try and recap:

Have you heard people say that a relationship with Jesus is the only way into heaven? How about the rebuttal about the tribe out in Africa that has never heard the name of Jesus ever? Would God really send those people to Hell if they have never even heard the name of Jesus?

The answer - yes. Harsh and not an answer we like to think about, but God cannot compromise His just nature or perfection. Scripture tell us that God reveals Himself to everyone (even through nature), but Jesus also left us with a Great Commission. He tells us to go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. Why would He tell us to do that if He was going to allow everyone who has never heard of Him into heaven?

Think about it, if everyone who has never heard the name of Jesus was allowed into heaven... then why would Jesus give the Great Commission? Wouldn't he rather NOT have people told so that MORE people could get into heaven and less people would have the chance to reject Him. If someone goes to a distant tribe and tells them about Jesus... those people have the choice of rejecting or accepting Him and with it comes the choice of Heaven or Hell. BUT... if all those who have never heard get into heaven... Jesus would not want us to go tell those people. He would not offer a Great Commission. He would tell us to keep our faith to ourselves, He would tell people to run away with their ears covered if someone would try and tell them about Jesus because if they are never given the chance to reject it... they will get into heaven.

The Bible tells us that God wants us all to enter into heaven and no one to perish. Because He desires for each person on the earth to join Him in heaven He gives us the Great Commission. He tells each of us to go to ALL nations: Muslim nations, African tribe nations, American nations, impoverished nations, prosperous nations, ALL NATIONS to share with EVERYONE the news of Jesus. We Christians are all called to go. If we don't, then we are being disobedient.

Not exactly a feel good message, but a good message none the less. Wow. Let it sink it. Then pray - where is the Lord sending you? Jesus tells us to be sheep among wolves... we aren't going to be liked by the World. Our message will be hated. Not only among those who hold a different faith, but even among those "Christians" in America who think that we should not offend anyone so we don't mention faith.

Jason was telling me how he has missed so many opportunities to be a sheep among wolves at his work place. Not necessarily with his co-workers, but with those he sees nightly. He says a day doesn't go by where he isn't met with people high on drugs and drunk... if he doesn't tell them about Jesus... who will? The friends they hang out with? Most likely not. If you aren't risking loosing your job... or your friends... then are you really being a sheep among wolves?

Deep Lessons. It has made me realize how many times I have failed to be a sheep among wolves as well. I have friends I don't want to loose so I am afraid to stand up for the Truth. I rationalize it by thinking that perhaps my friendship with them over the years will share Christ with them. Sure, that can happen, but I shouldn't compromise the Truth because of it. I need to be much better about saying there is a black and a white, a right and wrong. I try, but so often times I fail.

I know there are sins in my life that the Lord is calling me out of. I am not perfect, I am a sinner. So, I don't write this as a person who looks down on others and the things going on in their lives. Ugh... I know I have so many things in my life that need to change. However, I am actively trying to repent from the sins and not return to them. I have accountability partners in my life, I will verbally say, "this isn't right. I need to change this." and then I TRY to change by the grace of God. I can't do it alone.

I mention that because I feel like right now, I am commissioned not only to share the Gospel with my children... they are my biggest mission field right now, but I have friends who are too. I have a few friends who don't go to church, don't know the Truth, etc. Those friends are also my mission field. Who else? Those friends who go to church every week, but then leave church and head right back into their lives of sin. Yes, we ALL sin... I get that. But habitual sins or sinful lifestyles put a barrier between us and Jesus. He can't hear our prayers until we repent. Repenting means LEAVING our lives of Sin. Yes, Jesus sat and ate with tax collectors, prostitutes, and other "sinners", but when he left their house after dinner - they were changed. They didn't continue to live in their lifestyles of sin. If I'm being Jesus to my friends - yes, I will show them the love of the Cross, but if they aren't spurred to change... to leave their life of sin... they aren't getting it.

I'm not saying if you sin you aren't saved. That is a whole different can of worms. I DO NOT believe in "Once Saved, Always Saved." That is cheap theology and it is not in Scripture. You can be a Christian and then fall away from Grace by your own choice. I also don't believe in Cheap Grace. Grace isn't cheap. We can't say, "Yes, I believe in Jesus and what He did for me on the Cross" and then go on and live in a sinful lifestyle. Will we sin? Yes... Will we live in a sinful lifestyle... No.

Grace isn't cheap. It cost Christ EVERYTHING. It costs me everything. There is no Easy Believeism (the yes, I believe in God, but that doesn't mean I need to stop getting drunk, living with my boyfriend... etc). It is HARD, HARD, HARD to Love the Lord more than you love your home with your boyfriend/girlfriend. It is HARD when you feel you are attracted to the same sex and yet to not give into that CHOICE of a lifestyle, it is HARD to overcome an addiction to drinking, drugs, or the like. It is HARD to stop telling lies once you have spun a web of lies. It is hard not to be judgmental. It is HARD to live in peace with the Lord. It costs us everything: friends, jobs, and even lives... But despite how hard it is... it is something we strive for.

If you have really come to SAVING knowledge of Jesus Christ. You no longer accept that homosexuality is the way someone is born... it is a choice. You no longer say that premarital sex isn't a sin... you no longer make excuses for living a lifestyle of sin. You can't because you know how much it cost the Lord. It cost Him everything. It costs us everything. You then have this passion to not only leave your lifestyle of sin, but you have a passion to tell other's about Him. You want to fulfill the Great Commission.

Heavy... I know. I am nervous about hitting "publish post" because I'm nervous this will offend some, but isn't that the point? There is a right and a wrong - in faith, in actions, in life... I need this message just as much as anyone else. I am so glad my husband shared all of this with me. I need his leadership in my life. Now, let's go out and be sheep among wolves by sharing the Love of Jesus Christ.

Wow, I'm bad at blogging.

Seriously. I can never keep up and then when I do type, I feel like I just blabber on. I read so many blogs many of which are really funny, well written, etc. Nope, not mine, but oh well.

Since this is supposed to be an online journal of sorts - this will be a quick run through of all the cute things that have happened these past few days.

My birthday was much better than expected. Jason made the morning special, which I knew he would. We went out to breakfast (my favorite) and then just relaxed at home. He got me a giftcard to get my nails done. One of my favorite things is having fake nails and I haven't had any since Jonah was born. He also got me a new desk chair that is extremely comfortable because "I'm an author now" -- best of all he gave me a vacation! Yeah! We are leaving for St. Joseph a week from Monday. I'm so excited that I've already started packing. haha.

He had his normal stretch of 4 days off after my birthday and we spent those days doing the typical splash park, zoo trips, and the like with the kiddos. I'm also very happy - Jason had social things planned for himself during every day he had off. Lunch, waterskiing, and Bible study with his guy friends. That is so refreshing for him and I'm so happy he has that edification back in his life. Jason and I had a long talk last week about how right the move back to Louisville was for us and our family. We had a lot of hard times up in Indy not only with all the infertility/miscarriage drama, but just in general. It was a rough few years and the last few months were the worst. We hit a huge struggle in our marriage, we both struggled with depression, and were spiritually dry. It has been the opposite since moving back. We are refreshed every single week at church, through the fellowship of other believers, and I could go on and on... we are bot extremely happy. Looking back we can see how miserable we were up in Indy... we didn't even know it at the time because you have to just function in survival mode, but we've quickly gotten back to the "old Jason" and "old Darby" and couldn't be happier. :)

Now on the cute stories of our kiddos. Havana is improving with her language skills. The other day she started playing pretend that she was on the phone and would put her hand up to her ear and say, "ello" for "hello" -- so cute. When I ask her who she is talking to she normally does the sign for "daddy." And speaking of daddy... she is getting really close to saying it. For about a week now she has been saying, "gaggy" when she is talking to him or he walks in the room. It is obvious she mean him. We love it. In the backseat the other day she yelled "Gaggy!" and when we looked back she wanted to play peek a boo with him. We were very thrilled that she was using verbal communication. We try daily make her say new sounds, but love that she communicates so well with signs. Soon I am going to post all the words she can say and sign just for my own benefit.

Today she really impressed me at the store. We went grocery shopping this morning which is never my favorite activity. Usually, Jason will take Jonah and Havana in one cart to the toy section and I'll get the groceries as quickly as I can in another cart. I am determined to do "Mommy School" with havana instead of preschool and so I told Jason to be on the lookout for educational toys that I can teach with. Well, he found different animal figurines that we could use not only to teach her animals, their sounds, the Creation story, and Noah's ark, but also to help her with her imaginative play. He picked out several: a lion, elephant, zebra, and a few others. She was loving playing with them in the cart and then was a little sad when we had to put them up on the conveyor belt, but explained that we had to buy them first. Well, it turned out to be a mess... they each rang up for 36.00 dollars. They were in the dollar section. So, long story short... we didn't get them. Havana looked like she was going to cry as I told her to say goodbye to them as the manager took them away. I felt horrible. My heart wanted to break. But she overcame her disappointment like a champ and while I know she was sad... she never lost it or threw a fit. I kept telling her how proud I was of her that while it is okay to be disappointed... she did a great job not letting that emotion rule her behaviors. Perhaps I could learn a thing or two from her! :)

She is getting bigger and more beautiful each day. She loves praying! Her favorite thing to do is just clasp her hands together and pray. Sometimes I will pray for her when she does that - doesn't matter where we are - I'll just stop and pray with her. Other times I'll just let her pray on her own. I always praise her for this. Saying "family prayers" is a must before we eat - no matter where we are or who we are with. I love that she is developing a heart for the Lord at such a young age. Her other sweet thing she is doing lately is wanting to hold my hand a lot. Not just when walking out in public, but when we are just sitting on the couch. She'll snuggle up to me, take my hand, and place hers in it. My heart just melts. I love those moments. I love all the moments... :)

She is such a great big sister. Yesterday she invented a new game. She would roll a truck down a slide and then Jason and I would clap for her (she of course would clap for herself too!) Then she ran to Jonah (who was sitting in Jason's lap) and did her sign for "Jonah" -- so we made Jonah clap and say "Yeah Vana" and after that she wanted to make sure Jonah clapped every time she made the truck go down the slide. It was very sweet. I was so happy that she wanted to include him.

Jonah is getting big. At three months he weighed 17 pounds! Wow! And he was only 8.7 when he was born... so it's not like he started out as a 10 pound baby. I love him. He has such a sweet spirit. He enjoys any moment that Jason or I can just look at him. He breaks out into a huge smile. He has become a thumb sucker which is funny to me as Havana never was. They are actually quite different. :)

He has started inching himself across the floor when he's put down for "tummy time" -- he hates it, but it is cute to me! :) Not rolling over, but lurching forward. He's sleeping 12 hours at night without waking up at all. I love that. :) And he's gotten a lot better at putting himself to bed without having to cry himself to sleep. That's nice too. He is getting into stories that we read now and wanting to look at all the photos and he's become more interactive with his rattles and other toys we give him during room time.

Room time for both of the kids is going well. They play in their rooms for 15 minutes without any crying. Some days Havana still likes to throw all her toys over the gate - other times she is content to play with the toys. Either way, it is a nice refreshing 15 minutes for all. We'll most likely move it to 20 minutes here soon.

Jason is, as always, amazing! I am so blessed to be his wife. He is an incredible spiritual leader for our family. He's my best friend, someone who makes me laugh daily, and someone who is capable of deep conversation and lots of fun. While not perfect, he is pretty close. :) He loves Jesus with everything in him, he's faithful to me, and such an great daddy. Wow. I'm so proud of him.

Please be praying for him to have wisdom for us. I told him that while we are on vacation we need to have a talk about our involvement level in church. Before we had children - we were both very involved in many different ministries. It was not uncommon to be at church 5 nights a week. Now that we're back at southeast we are wanting to get involved in many different ministries again and it is different now that we have children. We talk about how other families make it work, but we realize that jason doesn't have a scheduel where he can be home every night to help with the kids if needed. But we also know we can't use that as an excuse to not be involved because that will be our situation for the rest of our lives. So, what does being involved look like? What can we do? What can we not do? I don't know yet... but we're going to discuss it on vacation and I'm praying for him to have wisdom to lead our family in making this very hard decision. Thanks, friends. :)

When did it happen?

I have asked myself that question at least 15 times daily over the past week. When did it happen? When did my little girl become so great at independent play? I'm not referring to room time exclusively, but in general. She used to need me to entertain her, to direct her, and to be beside her for every game we played. Yet, this week, it seems as if she is in her own world. She moves her dolls from room to room with a purpose. She makes them have conversations with each other. I come downstairs to find her dolls sitting around a table in the living room. If I move one of them - she moves it back. She has become great at imaginative play!

When did it happen? When did she get so big, so mature that she can eat meals all by herself. Even yogurt right out of the cup. She doesn't need me to do anything more than put the plate of cut up food on her tray. She can do it all herself. Cereal with milk, chicken with veggies, or tonight - pizza. Doesn't matter; she can do it.

When did it happen? When did Jonah start putting himself to bed without having to cry for a long time? When did his scheduel start to make sense? When did he grow from that tiny 8 pound, 7 ounce baby to a whopping 17 pounds?!

When did it happen? When did life with two children all of a sudden become normal? No more adjusting, no more trying to figure things out... life with two children under the age of two seems as natural and as easy as breathing in and out. When did that transition happen? When did we arrive here and why does life seem to be rushing by me so quickly? When did it happen...

I love my family... my husband is more the love of my life today than he was the day I married him. 5.5 years after we said "I Do" -- I am even more in awe of the man of God who chose me to be his bride. My daughter, whose obedient heart and silly nature capture my heart in ways I didn't know a heart could be captured. My son, my laid back, easy going son, whose smile can charm anyone and who is an example to me of contentment and joy. I love my family...

Birthday Blues...

My birthday is coming up on Saturday, and for the first time in my life... I'm not looking forward to it. Sure, there is a little part of me that thinks, "Wow, I'm getting old." But that isn't the main reason for the birthday blues. Birthdays are very important to me and Jason has done a wonderful job making "festivals" out of my birthday where we celebrate for several days in several different ways. We even celebrate half birthdays at our home. I have visions of keeping the children home from school on the bdays in order for them to have a special day with mom and dad. Birthdays aren't as big of a deal to Jason, but he still lets me make a fuss over his bday although I know he could care less.

For pretty much every birthday I have spent with Jason - he has done his best to plan lots of surprises and adventures for me. To date there has only been one birthday that he's had to work, but he had notes and gifts scattered around the house for me and he knew I had plans with friends. All the other years he has either been off or traded shifts with others to take the day off. So, I've been spoiled.

Not this year, he is working from 3pm-12am which means he'll be gone from 1:30pm-1:30am. Now, I'm sure he's got something special planned for the AM... just because I know my husband. However, I keep dwelling on the 12 hours I'll be alone. Of course, I won't be alone... I have two kiddos with me... but to the kids it will be just another day. I'm okay with that, don't me wrong, I don't want to complain about being a parent... that is NEVER the case. But, I'll put them down at 8 and can't go out on my bday with friends. Perhaps I'll rent a movie or treat myself to a blizzard, but still... it will just be me. I know that is silly and spoiled of me to be sad about, but in my adult life, I've never spent a bday by myself. I've always had plans, mostly with jason, but when he's been working - with friends. Oh well, I'm sure it will be a good day, but it does seem as it if won't be the same hype as what I'm used to.

I'm not sure if I blogged about it, but my old iphone broke and we had to order a new one. Thankfully, it came in yesterday and is all set up. I was phoneless for about a week, but I'm good now. So, you, dear reader, can of course call me on my bday! :)

Now that I'm done throwing myself a pity party... let's see... the past few days have been so full that I haven't had time to update. Jason was off the past several days and we had a "family day" every day! It was so wonderful not to have heavy house stuff weighing on us. We spent time at the zoo, the museum, the park, at church... you name it; we were there. It was great. I was even able to clean the entire house the other day - which always makes me smile.

My gallstones are still killing me. It comes and goes, but it has been coming more than going these days. I need my gallbladder taken out, but seeing as I have a son who won't take a bottle, that doesn't leave me feeling comfortable enough to have a surgery. Perhaps soon. My mastitis also came back. We're best of friends, not really, but we see each other often enough to be. :) Jason was so helpful in taking the children out of the house so I could nap. That was a treat since I'm very rarely in the house by myself. I was able to do a lot of work for my book! Which, of course, if you aren't aware, I've created a facebook page and a blog to follow that!

Okay, I'm off to bed... thanks for listening to my sob story. ;)

Well, it is official, the gorillas LOVE Jonah.

I am sick tonight - so this will be a short post. We took the children back to the zoo today... it is official, the gorillas have a thing for Jonah. We walk in and there are about three gorillas sitting in the little room and lots of people were taking their photos. We park the stroller and get H out - she starts running around as usual. Then we get Jonah out... and a gorilla comes over to the glass and Stands up to get a good look at him. Then she puts her arms up again. We walk, she walked. Finally, after 10 minutes or so, we packed everyone up. I put Jonah down in his stroller and he spits up so I grab the nearest towel, which was a beach one from the splash park and I start wiping him up. The Gorilla comes close to the glass and watches what we are doing to Jonah - I think she was concerned about why we were putting such a large towel over his face. Then she stares at him, back to us, again to him. It was very cool!