We hope and pray that everyone had a nice Christmas day yesterday. Ours was nice, but also had a few moments of tears as we grieved the childless house that we are living in.
Sorry it has taken a while to update the blog. I (Darby) have not had the emotional energy to type anything out or help Jason as he typed up an update. I know we talk to many of you on a regular basis, but I have still felt bad about not keeping the blog updated on what is going on in our journey to parenthood. Here's a quick re-cap of the happenings since my last post:
October 21st - We had a funeral for Elijah. God blessed us with an incredibly beautiful fall day for our ceremony. Elijah is now buried in the "Little Lambs" section of Washington East Cemetery here in Indianapolis. To view a few photos from that day please check out: http://louisville.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2087733&l=e02dd&id=38303971
October 22nd - I had a follow up appointment with my doctor after my D&C. After talking in detail with her about where I was emotionally and physically with the miscarriage she recommended that I go on anti-depressants and she wrote me a script for them which we had filled immediately. After the appointment we drove (with Tucker) to Virgina for a vacation week at the Cabin (thanks, Noel and Brenda). We had a wonderful week spending time with each other and with the Lord in the beautiful countryside of VA. Kevin, Gladys, and Isabel also joined us for our last full day our there. It was such a good (and needed!) week for us. You can view highlights of that trip at: http://louisville.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2088945&l=a7104&id=38303971
We arrived back to Indianapolis on the 30th of October and immediately got in touch with Bethany Christian Services about continuing with the adoption. After a D&C women are encouraged to prevent pregnancy for a time and my doctor encouraged us to prevent at least until January. After much prayer Jason and I have decided that we will only pursue adoption and not continue to try to get pregnant when January comes. We were officially put back on the adoption waiting list on November 5th.
Now we are waiting on a phone call. The phone call could be a request from a birthmother who is interested in meeting us. Or we might get a call that a baby has been born already for us to adopt. So, technically, we could get a call any day that our first baby has been born! That is an exciting thought, but at the same time something that is hard to be patient for. We continue to pray daily for our child and that only one birthmother would be interested in us (the one who will in fact deliver Baby Dugger). We are praying against a false placement or a false match. Hebrews 11:1 is very dear to us right now, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." -- how we struggle seeing God's plan in this infertility journey, but we TRUST even when things aren't spelled out. Praise God!
How are we doing?! -- That answer is somewhat complicated. Infertility and the loss of Elijah have certainly taken their toll on me and on our marriage. It has not been easy or in the least bit fun, but at the same time, we know that God is good. He has been our great Comforter and while our pain is not healed we know that in the long run things will work out. Jason continues to be so incredibly patient and loving towards me as I am struggling with deep depression. He doesn't push me and while I know he misses the "Old Darby" - I know he loves the "Depressed Darby" just as much. He's incredible.
I am still on the anti-depressants. There are days when I feel 80% back to my old self, but most of the time I'm struggling to even remember the old, carefree Darby. I am thankful for all of you who have put up with me and the friends who have really stepped up the plate during this difficult time. I appreciate all your cards, visits, calls, and prayers.
God has certainly made both of us fall more in love with the idea of adoption. We thought we were excited about it back in August, but compared to how we feel about it now it doesn't even compare. Our hearts beat for adoption. We pray daily for our Baby Dugger and Baby Dugger's birthmother. We pray that God continues to use us and our situations as He sees fit and to bring glory to His name. We aren't sure of His timing, but hopefully we won't have to wait too much longer to welcome home our baby. Please continue to pray for us and Baby Dugger!!! We'll keep you updated!
Love to Everyone!!!!
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Monday, October 8, 2007
Elijah
We received this statue from a dear, dear friend. I opened it up when I was alone and I just started crying - with joy. My son is in heaven. What a beautiful and tangible reminder. Just wanted to share this with you.
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THANK YOU!!!
Thank you all for the flowers, visits, cards, calls, e-mails, and food (I won't have to cook again until November!)
We need your support and we are very thankful for everything. We are doing okay - not good, but okay. We are certainly still grieving but slowly getting better. While the pain will lessen, I'm not sure if it will ever go away - and we are starting to get used to that idea.
We love the Lord so much - we love Elijah so much - and we love you all!
Thanks!
Friday, September 28, 2007
ELIJAH D.
It is late (after 11PM) on Friday night September 28th. I planned on updating this blog later this weekend with photos of our nursery which we finished painting on Monday the 24th and from my baby shower that I was supposed to of had in Louisville tomorrow (the 29th). Instead, I am writing this in a pain killer induced state after having surgery earlier today. Allow me to share in raw emotion the events of this past week.
Every so often, I'll meet Jason at the ER when he gets off a shift and we'll find an empty room and he'll preform an ultrasound on our baby. We laugh because we most likely have more photos of our baby than most women will get in their entire 9 months. On Tuesday, the 25th, Jason was working the 3pm-12am shift. He called that evening to say that the department was fairly empty and it would be a good night for an ultrasounds, and so I drive to his hospital and we excitedly find a room wondering how much our baby had grown. I brought my camera and took a few photos of Jason behind the machine and with a smile on his face as we are about to start. These are photos that I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to look at again.
The first thing we noticed is that we didn't detect a heartbeat. Nervous and scared Jason kept looking around and I laid back on the bed and prayed silently. 30 minutes later we gave up the search for the heartbeat and we both broke down and cried. Well, Jason cried and I wailed. I cried so loud that someone who I didn't know came to see if I was okay because I sounded in pain. One of Jason's co-workers who is also a great friend to me was there and so we went to tell her and she hugged us and cried for us too.
Since I met Jason at work that night we had 2 cars to drive home. I didn't want to be alone for even a minute, but Jason followed me home and he made sure we arrived together. The entire drive home I sobbed and prayed. My first words are, "Lord, I still love you and I still trust you, but I don't like this." Then I preceded to pray for the baby's heartbeat to be restored, that it was a mistake, and I confessed that I was confused about this plan - why were we allowed to even find out we were pregnant if we were just going to loose the baby at 11 weeks? When I was almost home the song "God is God" by Stephen Curtis Chapman came on and I stopped praying and just let the song minister to me.
We arrive back at the house and we both move around like zombies. We head to our bedroom as it was almost 2:30AM. I had taken the dirty sheets off the bed earlier that evening and had yet to make the bed back. Neither one of us really felt like doing chores, so we decided to sleep in the guest room. We brought Tucker with us. Tucker doesn't have many rules in the house, but one rule that we do enforce is that he is NOT allowed on the beds. He has slept in his crate every night. Well, Tuesday night we allow Tucker to sleep in the bed with us. Neither Jason or I actually slept, but the three of us snuggled all through the night in between tears and prayers.
We called our doctor when her office opened at 8:30 and she moved around her patients so she could see us that afternoon. That was a very hard waiting time for us. I was sad and scared and Jason said he was confused and scared. He was really hoped that he was mistaken.
We sit in the waiting room for about 10 minutes among all the showing pregnant ladies. I feel sick to my stomach (I got sick while crying on Tuesday night) and Jason is just praying for a false alarm. Finally we get called back by our favorite ultrasound tech, Vicki. She preforms the ultrasound and while Jason watches the screen - I watch her face. I see the disappointment in her eyes and how she shook her head no. I began to cry again. Vicki had to look around at other areas of my body and then she left us to be alone. Jason and I just sobbed together. I kept asking if I caused this. I mean, I was entrusted with this life and apparently I wasn't doing my job correctly. Jason said the one thing he knew for sure was that this had nothing to do with me. He tried to reassure me that I was the best mother, but it took my heart several days (and several times hearing the truth from my doctor and Jason) to believe it.
After we had some time by ourselves, we met with our doctor who then went over our options of what to do with the baby that was still very much inside of me. I just cried and said I really couldn't think about this right now. She understood and told us we could call her when we had decided. She handed us a grief packet that had information on support groups and memorial service ideas for women who loose their babies. She also then escorted us out the back door so that we could avoid seeing the happy pregnant ladies. We love our doctor!!!
Wednesday afternoon was sort of a blur. I sent out a few mass e-mails one to my church drama team to explain why I would not be at practice that night, one to a woman's Bible Study I am in, and one to some of Jason's classmates and their wives. We also called my parents (to get my dad's opinion on what we should do medically) and I asked them to share the news with my family. I then called my dear friend who was throwing me a shower on Saturday to cancel and she said she would call everyone and let them know.
Within a matter of minutes, our phones started ringing with friends wanting to cry and pray with us. A friend ran by a card and some flowers, etc. We also named our baby. We named him Elijah because in the Bible Elijah was taken up to be with Lord and so was our baby. We know that he is in heaven waiting on us to join him and we'll get to spend eternity with him and so that helps our grief. I sent a few more e-mails, made a few more phone calls, and then just ended up taking a sleeping pill so that I would be able to get some sleep.
Thursday we basically spent the day either on the phone or visiting with one friend after another. For me, the effort, gifts, love, visits, and prayers that friends sent our way truly helped me cope. It showed that Elijah's life was significant to others and that he was a life and not just the loss of some tissue. I don't think I'll be able to share in words the joy I received from everyone who showed up at our door, met us for coffee, or called in tears just to sit on the phone with me.
Thursday afternoon we had to go back to the hospital in order for me to be prepped for surgery on Friday AM. This procedure was extremely painful and lasted for almost an hour. After the procedure we left and Jason helped me to return some maternity clothes that we had bought earlier. Once we got back to our house, we called Jason's family to share the news with them. His little brother cried, "someone in our family just died." and with that Jason lost it for the rest of the night. He summed it up - our first born had died. We didn't just have a miscarriage, we lost our first baby.
Thursday night we were laying in bed and we were talking about the day. I talked about how I was still able to praise God through this and I am in no way mad or frustrated at Him or His plan. I don't like it, but I love and trust God anyway. Jason agreed. We talked about how maybe God will use the way we handle this situation to point people (hurting in their own ways) to Christ. That made us realize how proud we were of little Elijah. We spent a long time in prayer that night - telling the Lord how much we love and missed Elijah but how proud we were of him. We thought about our time in heaven with him.
The rest of the night I didn't sleep well and kept getting sick to my stomach (which I think was all nerves). By the time we arrived at the hospital Friday AM I was still getting sick to my stomach. Jason was able to be with me all the way until they took me back into the OR. Before I left, we prayed and cried together and said goodbye to Elijah. It will be our last time for the three of us to be together until heaven.
I remember going back into the COLD OR. My doctor held my hand and kept telling me she was going to be with me for the entire time. I remember someone telling me that I was about to get really sleepy. That is the last thing I remember...
While lying in the recovery room I hear someone saying my name. My mind is not fully awake yet and I just begin sobbing - even before I can open my eyes. The nurse thinks it is because of pain and I feel her push a pill down my throat. I swallowed it but as she kept asking, "Are you in pain?" I kept crying and just shaking my head no. I don't really know what is going on, but all I can conclude is that my heart and soul knew that Elijah was no longer with me. Even before my mind could process that. I wasn't in pain and had no other reason to be sobbing.
A few minutes later they wheel me back to my room where Jason is waiting for me. We cry together and then I fall back asleep for a little bit. After my recovery time is over and I'm awake and telling them I'm not in pain - they tell us we can leave. We drive home and plan to spend the rest of the day on the couch.
We are greeted at the house with another flower delivery (we had gotten 2 the day before). We start taking a little nap and get woken up to a knock on the door - some more flowers. We are blown away by people's support. That helps so much. Phone calls, visits, gifts, and e-mails have been pouring in and that means the most.
My continued to have visitors from all over Indy and Louisville. People bringing food, cards, and we got one very special statue gift of an angel holding a little boy in her arms.
Tonight, recovery from my surgery, I'm feeling physically okay. Not great - I have pain, but not a lot. Actually what hurts the wost is my throat from where they had to intubate me during that surgery because of how shallow my breathing became.
Emotionally I'm pretty sad. I miss Elijah and the thought of our future together. Jason and I are still very much a family and we feel confident that kids are a part of God's plan for our lives, but we are unsure of the means and timing of His will.
We plan to grieve the loss of Elijah. We are planning to bury him in a few weeks after the lab is done running tests on him. While I hate planning my child's memorial service - at the same time what a sense of closure and validation of his precious little life.
In a few weeks we will most likely put our names back on the adoption waiting list. This is a scary step of faith for us, though, as we know that adoption loss is a very real possibility and the thought of loosing another baby is very heartbreaking for us.
I guess I wanted to type the events of the last few days not only to update you all, but also to let you know our hearts - our pain. We have known several couples over the years who have lost babies either through the means of a miscarriage or adoption loss. Both are very real pains that we never really understood before. How could you understand the exact pain of something until you have been through it? We have learned through this process that we did in fact loose part of our family and not just a mass of tissue. In heaven, Elijah will be a real part of our family unit. Until then, he will be in our memories and hearts daily. We have already agreed to get him a Christmas ornament and we plan on putting together a keepsake box.
Please be in prayer for us as we heal. Please pray that this will open more opportunities for us to share the incredible name of Jesus Christ. Thank you for your love and excitement for Elijah since the knowledge of his conception. He will always be our first child.
Every so often, I'll meet Jason at the ER when he gets off a shift and we'll find an empty room and he'll preform an ultrasound on our baby. We laugh because we most likely have more photos of our baby than most women will get in their entire 9 months. On Tuesday, the 25th, Jason was working the 3pm-12am shift. He called that evening to say that the department was fairly empty and it would be a good night for an ultrasounds, and so I drive to his hospital and we excitedly find a room wondering how much our baby had grown. I brought my camera and took a few photos of Jason behind the machine and with a smile on his face as we are about to start. These are photos that I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to look at again.
The first thing we noticed is that we didn't detect a heartbeat. Nervous and scared Jason kept looking around and I laid back on the bed and prayed silently. 30 minutes later we gave up the search for the heartbeat and we both broke down and cried. Well, Jason cried and I wailed. I cried so loud that someone who I didn't know came to see if I was okay because I sounded in pain. One of Jason's co-workers who is also a great friend to me was there and so we went to tell her and she hugged us and cried for us too.
Since I met Jason at work that night we had 2 cars to drive home. I didn't want to be alone for even a minute, but Jason followed me home and he made sure we arrived together. The entire drive home I sobbed and prayed. My first words are, "Lord, I still love you and I still trust you, but I don't like this." Then I preceded to pray for the baby's heartbeat to be restored, that it was a mistake, and I confessed that I was confused about this plan - why were we allowed to even find out we were pregnant if we were just going to loose the baby at 11 weeks? When I was almost home the song "God is God" by Stephen Curtis Chapman came on and I stopped praying and just let the song minister to me.
We arrive back at the house and we both move around like zombies. We head to our bedroom as it was almost 2:30AM. I had taken the dirty sheets off the bed earlier that evening and had yet to make the bed back. Neither one of us really felt like doing chores, so we decided to sleep in the guest room. We brought Tucker with us. Tucker doesn't have many rules in the house, but one rule that we do enforce is that he is NOT allowed on the beds. He has slept in his crate every night. Well, Tuesday night we allow Tucker to sleep in the bed with us. Neither Jason or I actually slept, but the three of us snuggled all through the night in between tears and prayers.
We called our doctor when her office opened at 8:30 and she moved around her patients so she could see us that afternoon. That was a very hard waiting time for us. I was sad and scared and Jason said he was confused and scared. He was really hoped that he was mistaken.
We sit in the waiting room for about 10 minutes among all the showing pregnant ladies. I feel sick to my stomach (I got sick while crying on Tuesday night) and Jason is just praying for a false alarm. Finally we get called back by our favorite ultrasound tech, Vicki. She preforms the ultrasound and while Jason watches the screen - I watch her face. I see the disappointment in her eyes and how she shook her head no. I began to cry again. Vicki had to look around at other areas of my body and then she left us to be alone. Jason and I just sobbed together. I kept asking if I caused this. I mean, I was entrusted with this life and apparently I wasn't doing my job correctly. Jason said the one thing he knew for sure was that this had nothing to do with me. He tried to reassure me that I was the best mother, but it took my heart several days (and several times hearing the truth from my doctor and Jason) to believe it.
After we had some time by ourselves, we met with our doctor who then went over our options of what to do with the baby that was still very much inside of me. I just cried and said I really couldn't think about this right now. She understood and told us we could call her when we had decided. She handed us a grief packet that had information on support groups and memorial service ideas for women who loose their babies. She also then escorted us out the back door so that we could avoid seeing the happy pregnant ladies. We love our doctor!!!
Wednesday afternoon was sort of a blur. I sent out a few mass e-mails one to my church drama team to explain why I would not be at practice that night, one to a woman's Bible Study I am in, and one to some of Jason's classmates and their wives. We also called my parents (to get my dad's opinion on what we should do medically) and I asked them to share the news with my family. I then called my dear friend who was throwing me a shower on Saturday to cancel and she said she would call everyone and let them know.
Within a matter of minutes, our phones started ringing with friends wanting to cry and pray with us. A friend ran by a card and some flowers, etc. We also named our baby. We named him Elijah because in the Bible Elijah was taken up to be with Lord and so was our baby. We know that he is in heaven waiting on us to join him and we'll get to spend eternity with him and so that helps our grief. I sent a few more e-mails, made a few more phone calls, and then just ended up taking a sleeping pill so that I would be able to get some sleep.
Thursday we basically spent the day either on the phone or visiting with one friend after another. For me, the effort, gifts, love, visits, and prayers that friends sent our way truly helped me cope. It showed that Elijah's life was significant to others and that he was a life and not just the loss of some tissue. I don't think I'll be able to share in words the joy I received from everyone who showed up at our door, met us for coffee, or called in tears just to sit on the phone with me.
Thursday afternoon we had to go back to the hospital in order for me to be prepped for surgery on Friday AM. This procedure was extremely painful and lasted for almost an hour. After the procedure we left and Jason helped me to return some maternity clothes that we had bought earlier. Once we got back to our house, we called Jason's family to share the news with them. His little brother cried, "someone in our family just died." and with that Jason lost it for the rest of the night. He summed it up - our first born had died. We didn't just have a miscarriage, we lost our first baby.
Thursday night we were laying in bed and we were talking about the day. I talked about how I was still able to praise God through this and I am in no way mad or frustrated at Him or His plan. I don't like it, but I love and trust God anyway. Jason agreed. We talked about how maybe God will use the way we handle this situation to point people (hurting in their own ways) to Christ. That made us realize how proud we were of little Elijah. We spent a long time in prayer that night - telling the Lord how much we love and missed Elijah but how proud we were of him. We thought about our time in heaven with him.
The rest of the night I didn't sleep well and kept getting sick to my stomach (which I think was all nerves). By the time we arrived at the hospital Friday AM I was still getting sick to my stomach. Jason was able to be with me all the way until they took me back into the OR. Before I left, we prayed and cried together and said goodbye to Elijah. It will be our last time for the three of us to be together until heaven.
I remember going back into the COLD OR. My doctor held my hand and kept telling me she was going to be with me for the entire time. I remember someone telling me that I was about to get really sleepy. That is the last thing I remember...
While lying in the recovery room I hear someone saying my name. My mind is not fully awake yet and I just begin sobbing - even before I can open my eyes. The nurse thinks it is because of pain and I feel her push a pill down my throat. I swallowed it but as she kept asking, "Are you in pain?" I kept crying and just shaking my head no. I don't really know what is going on, but all I can conclude is that my heart and soul knew that Elijah was no longer with me. Even before my mind could process that. I wasn't in pain and had no other reason to be sobbing.
A few minutes later they wheel me back to my room where Jason is waiting for me. We cry together and then I fall back asleep for a little bit. After my recovery time is over and I'm awake and telling them I'm not in pain - they tell us we can leave. We drive home and plan to spend the rest of the day on the couch.
We are greeted at the house with another flower delivery (we had gotten 2 the day before). We start taking a little nap and get woken up to a knock on the door - some more flowers. We are blown away by people's support. That helps so much. Phone calls, visits, gifts, and e-mails have been pouring in and that means the most.
My continued to have visitors from all over Indy and Louisville. People bringing food, cards, and we got one very special statue gift of an angel holding a little boy in her arms.
Tonight, recovery from my surgery, I'm feeling physically okay. Not great - I have pain, but not a lot. Actually what hurts the wost is my throat from where they had to intubate me during that surgery because of how shallow my breathing became.
Emotionally I'm pretty sad. I miss Elijah and the thought of our future together. Jason and I are still very much a family and we feel confident that kids are a part of God's plan for our lives, but we are unsure of the means and timing of His will.
We plan to grieve the loss of Elijah. We are planning to bury him in a few weeks after the lab is done running tests on him. While I hate planning my child's memorial service - at the same time what a sense of closure and validation of his precious little life.
In a few weeks we will most likely put our names back on the adoption waiting list. This is a scary step of faith for us, though, as we know that adoption loss is a very real possibility and the thought of loosing another baby is very heartbreaking for us.
I guess I wanted to type the events of the last few days not only to update you all, but also to let you know our hearts - our pain. We have known several couples over the years who have lost babies either through the means of a miscarriage or adoption loss. Both are very real pains that we never really understood before. How could you understand the exact pain of something until you have been through it? We have learned through this process that we did in fact loose part of our family and not just a mass of tissue. In heaven, Elijah will be a real part of our family unit. Until then, he will be in our memories and hearts daily. We have already agreed to get him a Christmas ornament and we plan on putting together a keepsake box.
Please be in prayer for us as we heal. Please pray that this will open more opportunities for us to share the incredible name of Jesus Christ. Thank you for your love and excitement for Elijah since the knowledge of his conception. He will always be our first child.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Baby D Number 2
Dear Family and Friends,
We have purposefully not posted anything on here recently because we wanted to make sure to tell our families the news in person. Now that they all know - we will share our news on this blog.
First of all, we want to thank you all so much from the bottom of our hearts. We have been blown away by your love, prayers, and support during this adoption process. We finished up all the remaining paperwork around the last week of August. It was during that time that we also found out that we are pregnant!
Yes, you are reading that correctly, the impossible has happened. ;) When we first found out we were in such disbelief that we went down to the hospital that night where Jason was able to preform the very first ultrasound which confirmed that we are indeed expecting. At that time we were almost 7 weeks along and already detected a heartbeat.
The next week was a whirlwind of events including finding a doctor and making the first appointment where we had another ultrasound and from what the doctor says, "everything looks great."
We waited a couple weeks before we shared this news with our families and now with you all. Darby is now 9 weeks pregnant and we just did another ultrasound on Monday night and the baby is growing and the heartbeat is strong.
We are both very excited about this news, and we thank God for this wonderful gift of life and this journey He has taken us on. Through this journey He has brought us closer to Himself and each other.
We know that we did not enter into adoption by mistake nor was it a mistake that we had gotten this far in the process before conceiving. It is all part of God's wonderful plan. We don't know all the reasons yet of why God had us begin the wonderful journey of adoption and then He allowed us to conceive, but we do know He has at least one reason.
As we mentioned in our first letter, we had both been interested in adopting a baby into our family before the infertility. Through the process that we have undergone with Bethany and all that we have learned about adoption our hearts are even more in love with and excited about growing our family through adoption.
This journey will not end just because we have conceived. We have no doubt that God is desiring for us to expand our family (by at least two children, if not more) through the means of adopting. We will always be advocates of the wonderful event known as adoption.
We are excited to see what God wants to do in our family. We have spoken with Bethany and have asked for our adoption to be put on hold temporarily. A few months after we give birth (the due date is April 17, 2008) we will pick up with the planned adoption right where we left off. We have no idea what God's time line is for how quickly we will bring home our second child, but we pray that by the time Jason is finished with his residency (June 0f 2009) we will have our first two children.
You may be wondering why we titled this post "Baby D Number 2." That is what we are calling the pregnancy baby right now. We have fallen in love with our adopted baby even though we have not met him or her yet. We have prayed for it by the name "Baby D" for so long that we cannot replace that nickname with another baby. We will continue to pray for our adopted baby (who most likely hasn't even been conceived yet) but we, of course, are daily praying and thanking God for Baby D Number 2.
We have been on a wild ride with the Lord, but it has been awesome. The cool part is to know that this ride is no where close to being over. God is still bringing to completion the good work He is doing in us as individuals, a couple, and as parents. We look forward to growing in the Lord more during this journey of pregnancy and adoption in the next year and a half.
Again, we thank you for your love and support. We will continue to keep this blog site active and update you all on the pregnancy, Baby D Number 2's birth and growth, and the continued adoption of Baby D. We love you all and we're amazed by the Lord and His goodness to us!
In His Service,
Jason and Darby
We have purposefully not posted anything on here recently because we wanted to make sure to tell our families the news in person. Now that they all know - we will share our news on this blog.
First of all, we want to thank you all so much from the bottom of our hearts. We have been blown away by your love, prayers, and support during this adoption process. We finished up all the remaining paperwork around the last week of August. It was during that time that we also found out that we are pregnant!
Yes, you are reading that correctly, the impossible has happened. ;) When we first found out we were in such disbelief that we went down to the hospital that night where Jason was able to preform the very first ultrasound which confirmed that we are indeed expecting. At that time we were almost 7 weeks along and already detected a heartbeat.
The next week was a whirlwind of events including finding a doctor and making the first appointment where we had another ultrasound and from what the doctor says, "everything looks great."
We waited a couple weeks before we shared this news with our families and now with you all. Darby is now 9 weeks pregnant and we just did another ultrasound on Monday night and the baby is growing and the heartbeat is strong.
We are both very excited about this news, and we thank God for this wonderful gift of life and this journey He has taken us on. Through this journey He has brought us closer to Himself and each other.
We know that we did not enter into adoption by mistake nor was it a mistake that we had gotten this far in the process before conceiving. It is all part of God's wonderful plan. We don't know all the reasons yet of why God had us begin the wonderful journey of adoption and then He allowed us to conceive, but we do know He has at least one reason.
As we mentioned in our first letter, we had both been interested in adopting a baby into our family before the infertility. Through the process that we have undergone with Bethany and all that we have learned about adoption our hearts are even more in love with and excited about growing our family through adoption.
This journey will not end just because we have conceived. We have no doubt that God is desiring for us to expand our family (by at least two children, if not more) through the means of adopting. We will always be advocates of the wonderful event known as adoption.
We are excited to see what God wants to do in our family. We have spoken with Bethany and have asked for our adoption to be put on hold temporarily. A few months after we give birth (the due date is April 17, 2008) we will pick up with the planned adoption right where we left off. We have no idea what God's time line is for how quickly we will bring home our second child, but we pray that by the time Jason is finished with his residency (June 0f 2009) we will have our first two children.
You may be wondering why we titled this post "Baby D Number 2." That is what we are calling the pregnancy baby right now. We have fallen in love with our adopted baby even though we have not met him or her yet. We have prayed for it by the name "Baby D" for so long that we cannot replace that nickname with another baby. We will continue to pray for our adopted baby (who most likely hasn't even been conceived yet) but we, of course, are daily praying and thanking God for Baby D Number 2.
We have been on a wild ride with the Lord, but it has been awesome. The cool part is to know that this ride is no where close to being over. God is still bringing to completion the good work He is doing in us as individuals, a couple, and as parents. We look forward to growing in the Lord more during this journey of pregnancy and adoption in the next year and a half.
Again, we thank you for your love and support. We will continue to keep this blog site active and update you all on the pregnancy, Baby D Number 2's birth and growth, and the continued adoption of Baby D. We love you all and we're amazed by the Lord and His goodness to us!
In His Service,
Jason and Darby
Monday, August 27, 2007
Waiting Game
Hey Everyone...
Sorry for our silence with e-mails, phone calls, and posts. We're certainly caught up in a crazy waiting game. Our background checks have arrived and now we are waiting on our loan papers to be processed and a few more papers to be typed up, mailed, and signed.
In the midst of our waiting (which really began back in early 2006) we are trying to follow Paul's advice in Philippians 4:6 where he says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
We came across an amazing poem by Russell Kelfer that we would like to share. This poem has certainly proven, in our lives, to be true. We pray that as you read this poem you can see God's hand and timing in any situation you might be going through as well. He is Faithful!!
WAIT
Desperately, helplessly,longingly, I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, He replied.
I pleaded, and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child you must wait."
"Wait? You Say Wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why.
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
"My future, and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me, 'wait'?
I'm needing a 'yes,' a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no,' to which I can resign.
"And Lord, you have promised that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking: I need a reply!"
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So I slumped in my chair; defeated and taut
And grumbled to God; "So I'm waiting, for what?"
He seemed then to kneel and His eyes met with mine
And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, darken the sun,
Raise the dead, cause the mountains to run.
"All you see I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust, just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me,
When darkness and silence was all you could see.
"You would never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
"The glow of My comfort late in the night;
The faith that I give when you walk without sight;
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
"And you never would know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'
Yes, your dreams for that loved one o'ernight could come true,
But the loss! if you lost what I'm doing in you.
"So be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' my My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all... is still... wait."
Sorry for our silence with e-mails, phone calls, and posts. We're certainly caught up in a crazy waiting game. Our background checks have arrived and now we are waiting on our loan papers to be processed and a few more papers to be typed up, mailed, and signed.
In the midst of our waiting (which really began back in early 2006) we are trying to follow Paul's advice in Philippians 4:6 where he says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
We came across an amazing poem by Russell Kelfer that we would like to share. This poem has certainly proven, in our lives, to be true. We pray that as you read this poem you can see God's hand and timing in any situation you might be going through as well. He is Faithful!!
WAIT
Desperately, helplessly,longingly, I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, He replied.
I pleaded, and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child you must wait."
"Wait? You Say Wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why.
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
"My future, and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me, 'wait'?
I'm needing a 'yes,' a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no,' to which I can resign.
"And Lord, you have promised that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking: I need a reply!"
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So I slumped in my chair; defeated and taut
And grumbled to God; "So I'm waiting, for what?"
He seemed then to kneel and His eyes met with mine
And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, darken the sun,
Raise the dead, cause the mountains to run.
"All you see I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust, just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me,
When darkness and silence was all you could see.
"You would never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
"The glow of My comfort late in the night;
The faith that I give when you walk without sight;
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
"And you never would know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'
Yes, your dreams for that loved one o'ernight could come true,
But the loss! if you lost what I'm doing in you.
"So be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' my My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all... is still... wait."
Friday, August 10, 2007
A Quick Update
Hey Everyone,
Thank you SO MUCH for all the wonderful comments on our blog and that have been e-mailed to us. They are priceless to us! We just wanted to let you know a few things.
1. Our background checks have not come through yet. Our social worker asked us to pray for a speedy return on those as they can't show our profile (which is complete and ready to go) until they get those back. We would like you all to pray, not for a speedy return, but for God's perfect timing. If they are delayed may it be His will, if they are returned promptly, may that be His will as well.
2. Also, we opened up our registry at Babies R Us!!! It was so much fun to register for things and it made is feel like we are pregnant (which we are, through adoption) and it made things real to us. It was very exciting!!
3. Several of you have asked if you can share our blog with friends who are dealing with infertility or are are thinking about adoption. YES, YES, YES!!
That is all for now. Thanks again for your prayers, love, and support. By request, we'll try to get our Dear Birthmother Letter and photos posted soon.
"Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6) Thank you Lord, for allowing us to be confident in You and that You are beginning a good work in us. We look forward to you carrying it on to completion! May you be glorified!!
Thank you SO MUCH for all the wonderful comments on our blog and that have been e-mailed to us. They are priceless to us! We just wanted to let you know a few things.
1. Our background checks have not come through yet. Our social worker asked us to pray for a speedy return on those as they can't show our profile (which is complete and ready to go) until they get those back. We would like you all to pray, not for a speedy return, but for God's perfect timing. If they are delayed may it be His will, if they are returned promptly, may that be His will as well.
2. Also, we opened up our registry at Babies R Us!!! It was so much fun to register for things and it made is feel like we are pregnant (which we are, through adoption) and it made things real to us. It was very exciting!!
3. Several of you have asked if you can share our blog with friends who are dealing with infertility or are are thinking about adoption. YES, YES, YES!!
That is all for now. Thanks again for your prayers, love, and support. By request, we'll try to get our Dear Birthmother Letter and photos posted soon.
"Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6) Thank you Lord, for allowing us to be confident in You and that You are beginning a good work in us. We look forward to you carrying it on to completion! May you be glorified!!
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Dear Family and Friends,
Five years ago, during our courtship, we were surprised to learn that each of us had developed an interest in someday adopting a child into our family. It seemed that God had laid this unique desire on both of our hearts long before we ever met. At that time, however, we each imagined that adoption would take place after we had conceived and started raising our biological children. As God’s Word reminds us, though, “His ways are not our ways, nor are His thoughts our thoughts. For His ways are HIGHER than our ways, and his thoughts HIGHER than our thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)
In March of 2006 we decided it was time to start adding to our family. We felt that we were at an appropriate stage in our lives to welcome a baby into our home. Neither of us thought it would take long. Darby was expecting to be pregnant within the first month while Jason was thinking it could take up to 6 months. Thus began our struggle with infertility. Obviously, we did not conceive within the first 6 months. In fact, a year and a half later, we are still praying that God will allow us to conceive according to His timing.
Struggling with infertility in the midst of our move to a new city and Jason’s intern year of Residency has proven difficult at times. We have felt discouraged, stressed, forgotten, afraid, lonely, and truly depressed during certain steps of this journey. However, we are continually reminded that God will never give us more than we can handle.
In January of 2007 we began researching various medical infertility treatment options. Without divulging too much information, we then started taking routine infertility drugs with hopes that they would hasten our success in conceiving. To our disappointment, however, they did not. As our doctor encouraged us to pursue more invasive reproductive therapies we took a step back and began to seriously consider the options before us.
Around that time we began exploring the idea of adoption and quickly became interested in a local Indianapolis agency called Bethany Christian Services. In early March, after much prayer and fasting, we both agreed that God was placing a desire in our hearts to choose adoption over the infertility treatments. There were many factors driving this decision, however, the most important influence was the peace we felt in knowing God had directed us to this choice long ago. We had come to the conclusion that the baby we were praying to raise in our own home was perhaps being formed in another’s womb.
So, in March of 2007 we initiated the lengthy process of adoption. We submitted a preliminary application and then met with the director of Domestic Adoptions, here in Indianapolis. At that meeting we learned more about Bethany Christian Services. It is a crisis pregnancy center that ministers to the needs of expecting mothers. Their main focus is on the emotional, physical, and spiritual health of the birth mothers. They provide these women with free Christian counseling throughout their pregnancy, through the grieving process after relinquishment, and for the rest of their lives. (To read more about Bethany, their web site is www.bethany.org).
From our perspective, we feel that this reputable agency is doing everything right. They are loving and serving these mothers in a profound way, they are helping them choose life for their baby, and they are a source of Christian support and encouragement for the adopting parents as well.
After that first meeting at Bethany, we returned home with hundreds of forms to fill out. In fact, it took us two months to complete all the paperwork, including an eight page autobiography questionnaire for each of us. Once all of the documents were completed we sent out requests for letters of recommendation to several pastors and friends, visited our doctor for further required lab tests, and finally we had to be fingerprinted and submit a series of papers for background checks. After that, we were ready to start our interview process. This began with a 3 hour interview at the Bethany office where we first met our Social Worker, Tara. Then two weeks later, we had our “home visit” where Tara came to evaluate our house and community. Finally, we had yet another 3 hour interview to complete, but in this one we were separated and asked various questions individually.
Following these interviews, we began attending several mandatory meetings at the Bethany agency. The first one was an educational meeting where the director of Domestic Adoptions informed us about the remaining steps of our adoption process and how we can begin preparing for the arrival of our adopted child. Then we had a “Birth Mother Panel” meeting where several birth moms who had previously placed their children for adoption came in to share their experiences with us.
The entire process outlined above is referred to as the “Homestudy Process.” During this time we also read many books on parenting adopted children and we composed our “Dear Birthmother” Letter. Now, our profiles are complete and we are finally placed on the waiting list. This means that when a birth mother comes to the Indiana Bethany agency and is considering adoption for her baby, she will view our profile among all the other adopting couples who are waiting. The profile includes our health and family histories, a report submitted by our social worker, and our Dear Birthmother letter with several photos of ourselves. If a birthmother likes our profile, she may request to meet with us in person for a “match meeting.” After that meeting, she will have the opportunity to decide whether or not we are the best couple to adopt her child. Once we are “matched” with a birthmother, then, we have a PLAN in place to adopt her child. We specify the word PLAN because it is not considered a finalized agreement until after the baby is actually born and the mother has relinquished her parental rights by legal documentation.
To some, this information may come as surprising news. To others who have known about it for some time we thank you for your support and prayers during this journey. We just wanted to write a detailed letter to explain how God has led us to this wonderful experience. A great deal of thought, prayer, and preparation have gone into this life-changing event for us and we are very open about sharing our experiences and emotions so please feel free to ask us any questions you might have.
We do not know exactly how long it will be before we welcome our new baby to our home, but we are excited to meet the child that God has specially chosen for our family. We pray that our adoption experience will bless many lives as God continues to demonstrate His tremendous love and faithfulness toward us. We hope you, too, are excited about the soon to come Baby D. and we look forward to the day you may meet him or her.
Love,
Jason and Darby D.
Five years ago, during our courtship, we were surprised to learn that each of us had developed an interest in someday adopting a child into our family. It seemed that God had laid this unique desire on both of our hearts long before we ever met. At that time, however, we each imagined that adoption would take place after we had conceived and started raising our biological children. As God’s Word reminds us, though, “His ways are not our ways, nor are His thoughts our thoughts. For His ways are HIGHER than our ways, and his thoughts HIGHER than our thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)
In March of 2006 we decided it was time to start adding to our family. We felt that we were at an appropriate stage in our lives to welcome a baby into our home. Neither of us thought it would take long. Darby was expecting to be pregnant within the first month while Jason was thinking it could take up to 6 months. Thus began our struggle with infertility. Obviously, we did not conceive within the first 6 months. In fact, a year and a half later, we are still praying that God will allow us to conceive according to His timing.
Struggling with infertility in the midst of our move to a new city and Jason’s intern year of Residency has proven difficult at times. We have felt discouraged, stressed, forgotten, afraid, lonely, and truly depressed during certain steps of this journey. However, we are continually reminded that God will never give us more than we can handle.
In January of 2007 we began researching various medical infertility treatment options. Without divulging too much information, we then started taking routine infertility drugs with hopes that they would hasten our success in conceiving. To our disappointment, however, they did not. As our doctor encouraged us to pursue more invasive reproductive therapies we took a step back and began to seriously consider the options before us.
Around that time we began exploring the idea of adoption and quickly became interested in a local Indianapolis agency called Bethany Christian Services. In early March, after much prayer and fasting, we both agreed that God was placing a desire in our hearts to choose adoption over the infertility treatments. There were many factors driving this decision, however, the most important influence was the peace we felt in knowing God had directed us to this choice long ago. We had come to the conclusion that the baby we were praying to raise in our own home was perhaps being formed in another’s womb.
So, in March of 2007 we initiated the lengthy process of adoption. We submitted a preliminary application and then met with the director of Domestic Adoptions, here in Indianapolis. At that meeting we learned more about Bethany Christian Services. It is a crisis pregnancy center that ministers to the needs of expecting mothers. Their main focus is on the emotional, physical, and spiritual health of the birth mothers. They provide these women with free Christian counseling throughout their pregnancy, through the grieving process after relinquishment, and for the rest of their lives. (To read more about Bethany, their web site is www.bethany.org).
From our perspective, we feel that this reputable agency is doing everything right. They are loving and serving these mothers in a profound way, they are helping them choose life for their baby, and they are a source of Christian support and encouragement for the adopting parents as well.
After that first meeting at Bethany, we returned home with hundreds of forms to fill out. In fact, it took us two months to complete all the paperwork, including an eight page autobiography questionnaire for each of us. Once all of the documents were completed we sent out requests for letters of recommendation to several pastors and friends, visited our doctor for further required lab tests, and finally we had to be fingerprinted and submit a series of papers for background checks. After that, we were ready to start our interview process. This began with a 3 hour interview at the Bethany office where we first met our Social Worker, Tara. Then two weeks later, we had our “home visit” where Tara came to evaluate our house and community. Finally, we had yet another 3 hour interview to complete, but in this one we were separated and asked various questions individually.
Following these interviews, we began attending several mandatory meetings at the Bethany agency. The first one was an educational meeting where the director of Domestic Adoptions informed us about the remaining steps of our adoption process and how we can begin preparing for the arrival of our adopted child. Then we had a “Birth Mother Panel” meeting where several birth moms who had previously placed their children for adoption came in to share their experiences with us.
The entire process outlined above is referred to as the “Homestudy Process.” During this time we also read many books on parenting adopted children and we composed our “Dear Birthmother” Letter. Now, our profiles are complete and we are finally placed on the waiting list. This means that when a birth mother comes to the Indiana Bethany agency and is considering adoption for her baby, she will view our profile among all the other adopting couples who are waiting. The profile includes our health and family histories, a report submitted by our social worker, and our Dear Birthmother letter with several photos of ourselves. If a birthmother likes our profile, she may request to meet with us in person for a “match meeting.” After that meeting, she will have the opportunity to decide whether or not we are the best couple to adopt her child. Once we are “matched” with a birthmother, then, we have a PLAN in place to adopt her child. We specify the word PLAN because it is not considered a finalized agreement until after the baby is actually born and the mother has relinquished her parental rights by legal documentation.
To some, this information may come as surprising news. To others who have known about it for some time we thank you for your support and prayers during this journey. We just wanted to write a detailed letter to explain how God has led us to this wonderful experience. A great deal of thought, prayer, and preparation have gone into this life-changing event for us and we are very open about sharing our experiences and emotions so please feel free to ask us any questions you might have.
We do not know exactly how long it will be before we welcome our new baby to our home, but we are excited to meet the child that God has specially chosen for our family. We pray that our adoption experience will bless many lives as God continues to demonstrate His tremendous love and faithfulness toward us. We hope you, too, are excited about the soon to come Baby D. and we look forward to the day you may meet him or her.
Love,
Jason and Darby D.
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