Elijah

Yesterday, the 26th, was the 6th (wow) anniversary of Elijah's passing. That day is always hard for me, but the Lord remains faithful in holding my heart. I did tear up though as Havana (4 years old) was asking me questions while I was doing her hair... our conversation went something like this:

"Mom, when will I see God with my own eyes?"
"If  you look around, You can see Him everywhere... You can see Him in the sunrise and sunset. You can see Him in the kindness of others. You can see His fingerprints everywhere."
"But when will I see His face?"
"When you go to heaven?"
"When will that happen?"
"When you are done living on this earth"
"Oh."
"Who is in heaven now? Do I know anyone?"
"Well, grammie is in heaven. And so is your older brother Elijah and Jonah's Twin Jonas"
"Is there a Havanas?"
"nope"
"A Selahas?"
"nope"
"An Asaas?"
"nope"
"Just a Jonas?"
"yep."
"Why did you lost Elijah?" (I've mentioned him before and said that I had lost him...)
"I don't know. God has a purpose for his short little life, but it was very brief."
"Oh. If you didn't lost him it would be Elijah, then Havana, then Jonah, then Selah, then Asa... There would be 5 of us."
"Yep. You're right."

(of course at this point my heart is breaking and I am also thinking well, 6 if Jonah's twin had survived.... and seven if our adoption had panned out... but I kept these thoughts to myself. It took me several minutes to fight back the tears. How I adore my precious firstborn who is so inquisitive. How I love my babies who are heaven. How I love our adopted daughter... wherever she is right now.)