Easter Pageant's Final Curtain Call

April 1, 2011 was the last night of the Southeast Easter Pageant... as many of you know, that is a very significant part of mine and Jason's life. Jason's first year in the pageant was 2000 when he was 24 years old. He was cast the role of the disciple John. He had never even seen the pageant (which if you haven't, it certainly rivals a Broadway production) and honestly had no idea what he was getting into. During one of the first rehearsals someone found out he had never seen it and gave him a tape of the previous years show and Jason said he was blown away at what he was involved in.

The pageant helped to plug Jason into Southeast. He was new to the church and new to Louisville. He said that he is not sure he would have stayed at Southeast if it weren't for the pageant because of the friendships and connections it brought him. Through the pageant he was able to connect with other ministries and began life long friendships. He said that the relationship he developed with the other disciples as well as the corporate worship during the actual performances were always a "mountaintop" experience for his faith and played a large part in keeping him in the Word and accountable to living by His Standards.

My first year to see the pageant was 1999 and at the time I was not a Christian. I remember sitting there, almost entirely unmoved. I thought it was a nice production, but at the time I was bitter towards the idea of God and I remember that I didn't even cry once during the performance. I became a Christian a few months later and so when I went to see it in 2000 as a junior in high school I remember that the moment the announcer said over the loud speaker, "The story you are about to see is true..." I remember tearing up, moved before the show even started.

In 2001, Jason was again playing the role of a disciple, Thomas. I was a senior in high school and that year I went to see it several times. Each time I was wrapped up into the story and moved to tears during several different scenes. I remember during the scene where Jesus was dancing with the disciples I remember thinking how much I wanted the Lord to be the love of my life and I wanted such a close relationship that I would love to dance with Him. I remember watching the disciples and wanting to so badly to be among them... little did I know that I was watching my future husband.

That summer, I graduated high school and had decided to go to the University of Louisville for college. While it wasn't my first choice by any means, my tuition was free and my books were paid for and so I agreed to go in order to get my pre-requs out of the way before transferring to a different college (at the time i wanted nothing more than attend George Washington). I began attending Southeast on a regular basis that summer and saw in a weekend bulletin that they were looking for a stage manager for next Easter Pageant. I had always wanted to be involved so figured why not inquire. I ended up calling the new director, Shane, and having a phone interview with him. He ended up wanting to meet me in person along with the producer and an assistant director. A week later I met with Misty, Dale, and Shane. We went over my theater experience (which looking back was very limited, but as a freshman in college I thought it was something to brag about, ha). And I remember Dale ended up the interview by asking me why was I so interested in being a part of the pageant. I paused and then began to talk about how the pageant had ministered to me. I don't remember my exact words, but I do remember that I teared up and almost started crying. Dale (in typical Dale fashion) smiled, thanked for me sharing, and said he appreciated my words.

Not long after I received a phone call from Shane saying that while they did not want to use me in the Stage Manager role, they did want me on the production team. Without a clear title yet... I would be a go-between for the stage people and the directing team. I was asked to attend all the meetings. I'll never forget our first meeting, it was on 9/11/01. I remember that while we still held the meeting... we ended with prayer for our nation.

That November we held auditions for the 2002 Easter Pageant. I was there every night helping and I remember getting to know a lovely lady named Sandy. One of her first questions for me was if I was married. I responded no (I was only 19). During the men's auditions, if a man was single, she would whisper, "he's not married". I appreciated her heart, but honestly didn't think much of anything as at the time I really did like someone else. I remember Jason was talking to Sandy because they had known each other from a missions trip they had taken to Cuba. He walked away and she said, "He's dating someone, but they aren't married and he is a really great guy." I simply said, okay, and never gave it (or him) another thought.

A month later, as I was praying for my future husband (something I had done almost daily since becoming a Christian) I felt the Lord whisper into my heart that I was about to meet someone. I remember telling my accountability partner that saying, "I'm not sure what this means or what it looks like..."

A month later rehearsals were about to start. I was excited, but sadly, I had to miss the first week of rehearsals because of a death in my family.  Finally, I was able to join in and my primary role was to take blocking notes and then to read for any role of someone who was missing. On January 22, 2002, I had my first rehearsals with the disciples.

I parked my car and began walking in. I noticed a tall man in a blue sweatshirt walking in as well. We both entered through different doors and as soon as we walked into the atrium the smell of pizza was very evident. He turned to me and said, "Smells Like Dinner." I smiled and said, "I was thinking the same thing." We continued walking towards the rehearsal room, but he was farther ahead of me because his legs are longer. He opened a door, walked through, and then noticed I was coming so he held the door open. At the next set of doors, he opened the door and allowed me to walk through first. I remember thinking, "He just scored some points" as I looked at his left hand to make sure there was no wedding ring. We both began walking down a hallway and he said, "Are you heading to pageant practice?" "Yep" "What part do you play?" I told him I wasn't in the cast, but on the production team. He asked if this was my first year and I said yes to which he responded, "I didn't think I had seen you before." I stuck out my hand and said, "I'm Darby" he shook my hand and said, "I'm Jason, or Philip (the disciple he was playing that year)." I smiled and asked him if this was his first year and he said no... it was his third... he had played John and Thomas before... I remember he said, "12 disciples in 12 years is my plan." With that we were both arrived at rehearsal where we were going to blocking the Last Supper.

That night there was one disciple missing, so for timing reasons, I stood in for that person and just so happened to be seated next to Jason. I observed him as interacted with the other men and while I can't explain it, I simply knew that I was going to marry him. He was created for me. Normally, I would always stay after rehearsals and meet with the directors, but tonight I quickly gathered my things and said I had to leave. I made sure to walk out with Jason, but allowed him to start the conversation. He asked what I did and I told him I was a student at UL for Political Science. He admitted that he was not interested in politics and he said, "it takes a special person to get into politics and I am afraid I am not him." I asked him the same question and he said that he was going to start medical school in the fall. So, of course, I threw out the fact my dad is a doctor... I mean, I had to establish some sort of common ground, ha. We arrived at our cars, said goodbye, and went on our way.

A few days later, I was going through the cast list because I wanted to find out the last name of the "Philip" I had recently met. I read, "Dugger" and I literally made an audible gasp. I had always wanted to marry someone with the last name of "D" -- okay, so if his last name had been Smith... I would have still married him, but this was such a neat thing for me that I couldn't help but become excited.

The next few nights I always enjoyed the limited, but friendly, encounters with Jason. It seemed the more I got to know him... the more there was to like. He was kind, talented, and he loved Jesus. I loved how when we would talk he would always find some way to say my name mid-sentence to make it personal. We saw each other on February 13th and he asked me if I had any Valentine's Day plans (not as a date but simply conversation) and I told him I had rehearsal. I asked him his plans and he said he was working as a Valet at Mortons Steakhouse. With that answer I assumed he was single... but I was wrong.

That Friday, the 15th, a group of us were hanging out talking after rehearsal. Jason was telling me that he was involved in the Spanish service at the church. I didn't even know there was a Spanish service, but I told him how I had felt like the Lord was wanting me to teach myself Spanish and so had been studying it since December (I had taken Russian as my language in college). He invited me to check out the worship service sometime. Then the conversation turned to summer plans and Jason mentioned starting medical school. Sandy, the woman who had known him from a mission trip, said, "So, what does that do to the wedding?" In that moment, my heart sank and I thought, "of course a man like him would be engaged." However, his response was, "Sandy, we aren't engaged." She said, "I know, but you know what I mean." Then he paused, looked down, and said, "We actually don't know what is going to happen. We are praying about that right now." It was an awkward moment. Sandy felt horrible, Jason was uncomfortable, and I was sad. Not long after Jason excused himself and then I left as well.

I remember getting into my car and starting to cry. I turned the radio on and there was Eric and Leslie Ludy (favorite authors of mine on the subject of dating) and they were talking about marriage. I remember crying and praying and saying, "Lord, if I got this all wrong... please change my heart. If I heard You correctly and Jason is my future husband, the please allow him and his girlfriend to break up."

About a week later, my prayer was answered as Jason and his then girlfriend broke up. I was excited, but tried my best not to show it. I kept my distance and keep allowing him to start up the conversations... he did. And our friendship flourished during the next few months of the Easter Pageant and seeing each other often at church.

Aside from Jason, I met so many other people as well... people who are still my close friends today. Women who I learned so much from with regards to what it means to be a Godly woman and wife. And my first pageant experience became for me what the previous years had already been for Jason. It was a mountain top experience, but one that also carried through in new friendships that have lasted for years. The people I have met through the pageant have been nothing short of amazing.

Each night before performing, we would gather as a cast and simply worship. This quickly became some of my favorite times. And each following year it continued to be a highlight of the entire experience. Here we were asking God to do an incredible work through us.

I continued to be on the production team 2003-2006. Jason did not come back 2003-2005 because of his medical school responsibilities, but each year was equally as amazing as that first year in 2002. I met people who spurred me on towards Christ. I worshiped alongside people who love the Lord with all their hearts... and  I was able to have a front row seat in telling the story of Christ. I'm pretty sure a majority of the people who attended our wedding were friends from the pageant... such an incredible chapter in my life.

In 2006 Jason and I had been married for a year and he was in his last year of medical school. We were pretty sure we could both be involved  in that year's pageant and so we were. He was a disciple (Andrew) and I was again on the production team. Being a part of the pageant together as a married couple was a highlight for us.

Jason and I moved away after the pageant in 2006 and I tried to ignore the fact that most of my friends were taking part of the new show (The Passion) in 2008 and 2009...  I simply wanted to ignore it because I felt so left out. How I wished we could be alongside my dear friends again. Little did I know the Lord was going to provide Jason and I with the ability to be a part again when He called us back to the Louisville area in the summer of 2010.

Shortly after moving back, we were told that the Pageant was going to come back for one more year... and then it would be gone forever. Jason and I looked at each other and knew we couldn't miss out. We were married with two children and Jason had crazy hours at a hospital 2 hours north of the church... it didn't really make sense for us to do it, but we couldn't say no. It had simply meant so much to both of us for so many reasons that we couldn't be this close and not participate. We were unsure how things would look... we both took on much smaller roles than we had ever had in the past, but it was all we could afford between Jason's work and our children... at first we wondered if we would struggle with being only being used in a very small capacity, but we quickly realized that there was no way we could have done more and there was no where else we would have rather been. 

Jason was not a disciple this year, but he was still in the disciples' dressing room. And even though I wasn't on the production team I still was able to carry on some of my backstage traditions such as "watering the disciples" and cooking dinner for them each night. And the nightly worship was still there... each night I was able to hold hands with my husband and sing to my King.

On the last night of pageant, we sang "Jesus Paid it All" and during the line, "Oh Praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead." I couldn't help but become overwhelmed as my mind went back to 2002 where I had met Jason, through 2003 when the pageant friends rallied behind me during my MS diagnosis, 2004 when I joined pageant friends who started studying the Proverbs 31 woman, 2005 as they supported me during my first year of marriage, and in 2006 as they all said a heartfelt farewell as we moved away. I thought about what  my life would have been if I had never been in the pageant... I most likely would not have remained at Southeast and wouldn't have met Jason... my life would have been void so many amazing people.

In 2007, shortly after our first miscarriage, I remember that song (Jesus Paid it All) was very impactful in my life because I was going through a very deep depression and the only thing I had was Jesus... He truly raised my life up from the dead. I was dead to the world, I was emotionally dead, etc... He saved me, He rescued me, and He brought meaning to my suffering. I get emotional every single time that song is sung. I am brought back to that place where He was my only lifeline. So, add those emotions which are always present during that song and combine them with the closing night of the Easter Pageant... being led in worship by Greg Allen... a man who I met through the pageant and he is honestly the reason Jason and I are married... he provided us with so much counseling and direction during our courtship. He married us, I babysat his kids, and now his children are babysitting my children. Greg was leading worship and I was surrounded by friends who have encouraged and prayed for Jason and I over the years. I was standing next to women who I have learned so much from in regards to being a godly wife and mother, and I was holding hands with the love of my life... the answer to all my prayers for a future husband... and the man I met at pageant 9 years earlier. There was no better way to close the show than for me to praise my Lord for all He had done in and through the Pageant... especially in my own life....

Oh Praise the One Who Paid My Debt and Raised This Life Up From the Dead.

Can't wait to see what He has planned for us next! So grateful for the years of memories and the lifelong friendships we have now thanks to the pageant!

My daughter, the Bee Charmer

We have a wooden playground in our back yard...  and it is Havana's favorite thing. That girl wants to play outside every day rain or shine. Since it has been nice weather lately I have been taking her and Jonah out there often. At first it was fun and refreshing for me. It helped to pass the time and she was able to burn a lot of her energy. Then it happened... she and I were sitting on the picnic table area talking and I noticed, out of the corner of my eye, what seems like a piece of dirt on her. Before I get a better glance, I realize that she has picked up the dirt and is holding it and that is when I notice that she is holding a huge bee. Yes, a real, live, sting you type bee. I was frozen. She looked at me with the bee in her hand and then she simply let it go. She was not stung...

Perhaps I should clarify here that I am scared of bees. If one is around I will literally run in the opposite direction usually flapping my arms in a very dramatic fashion. I can't help it... they scare me. I am even more fearful with them around my children.

So, after I gain my composure, I tell Havana that we don't touch bees and I hope that she receives the message. I mean, surely if she touches another bee it won't be so kind as to not sting her, right?!

Well, the next day, we venture outside to play and my daughter runs towards the swing set yelling, "Bee, Where are you? Bee, Where are you?" To which I reminder her that "oh no, we don't want to play with bees" which is met to her climbing back onto the picnic table and continuing to yell for the bee while patting her leg where the bee once landed. Whose child is this?! :)

In an unrelated Havana story... she has a new saying these day. "Oh, Man..." ("aw, mae" is how it sounds) which she says if she is upset or disappointed. It is quite funny. The other day she was on a walk with Jason and they passed by the tennis courts in our neighborhood... she wanted to play on them and Jason told her they could. However, as he approached he realized you needed the key card to enter (we have yet to use them) and that was at home. So he told her he was so sorry but they couldn't go in to play because they didn't have the key. Her response, "Oh Man." And since then, every time we see the tennis courts she points and says, "Oh Man."

I also don't know when she became old enough to answer my questions. She was on the couch and I couldn't see her, but I called from the kitchen asking if she wanted a snack. Normally a question like that simply brings her into the kitchen where I then put her at the kitchen table for her snack. However, all I hear from the other room is, "No" -- that's it. She doesn't enter the kitchen, she doesn't look over the couch at me... she simply carries on with whatever game she was playing with her dolls. It took me a minute to fully grasp what had happened. She is getting so big and her communication, while still lagging, is getting to a point that she can answer most of my questions. I'm so proud of her...

The Luckiest

A few years ago Jason and I were driving in the car together and he began to tell me how he had been going through a lot of his old audio tapes (yes, tapes and not cds, ha). He began to tell me about a song that he heard by Ben Folds Five called "The Luckiest" which made him think of me. He told me how the first part of the song talks about how he rarely gets anything right the first time around and it made Jason think of his dating past and how he ended up marrying me and how that made him feel like "the luckiest." It was a sweet conversation, but I really didn't think about it too much.

Well, a few weeks ago, I got into my car one night after pageant practice and my radio was not as I left it. Instead, there was a cd in it and the speakers were turned up fairly high. I listened for a while and realized that I was listening to the song "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds Five. Here are the lyrics:

I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

What if I'd been born fifty years before you
In a house on a street where you lived?
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike
Would I know?

And in a white sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you

Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away

I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know we belong
That I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest 

Well, I'm not sure if it was my pregnancy hormones or what, but I sat there in my car and cried like a baby. My husband had taken the time to preset the cd so that I would be hearing this song. It was a random act of romance... no anniversary or Valentine's Day. It was simply something small he did, but it made me feel so loved and appreciated. He is a very romantic man and often does grand gestures, but this simple act was something I will never forget. The truth be told: I am the one who is the luckiest. 

Kiddo Update

These are always fun posts for me because it gives me the opportunity to brag about my children! :) Since I'm not a daily blogger, I often find myself thinking, "I need to remember this event or conversation and blog about it." However, my mind can't seem to retain all my stories and then I become sad that memories I thought I would always hold onto I can't even remember a week later.  To help with this, I started a new system where I would type a quick summary into my phone and that way as I type the updates, I can quickly glance over it and see any important details. :) Hopefully this will help me as I seek to journal some of my favorite memories with my children.

HAVANA: 

Havana is now a little over 28 months. She is at such a fun age right now and it is great to watch her learn how to entertain herself and use her imagination. We are actually playing games with her stuffed animals and having tea parties. Things mommies do with their "big girls."  While she does test the limits, she's also very good at accepting mommy's answer with things. A few weeks ago she was asking for a snack close to her nap time. I told her, "no snack right now, it is almost time for night-nights." Jason then interjected and said that he thought she could have a snack because she hadn't eaten much lunch. In our house Jason's opinion trumps mine and so I called out to Havana that she could have a snack. I expected to see her come running out of the playroom, but she didn't. So I walk towards it and realize that Havana is going up the stairs. As she is climbing the stairs she is saying in a sad tone, "No snack, night-night." It was a pretty endearing moment for me to see her so easily accept my answer even though she would have preferred a snack. I joined her on the stairs and told her that she could have a snack before she needed to take a nap and she looked and me and said, "No Snack. Night night." Poor girl. Don't worry, it all worked out in the end, I took her back downstairs and gave her a quick snack and then she was much happier on her way to the nap. :)

Several weeks ago I was talking to her about the baby in mommy's belly and I asked her what she wanted to name it. She looked at me and then just laughed. Apparently she thought that was a pretty funny question. Well, her answer has not changed at all over the past few weeks. I ask her daily what she would want to name the baby and she always looks at me and then begins to laugh. So apparently, she wants to name the baby, "ha ha ha."

I don't know if I wrote about it last time, but Havana is really into music and signing. In fact, we've found that when she begins to get frustrated during her speech therapy, we can take a break and sing a song and then she can refocus! She loves to dance and do signs along with the songs and it is neat to hear her actually sing. She knows all the words to the songs and even if she can't pronounce them, she does the syllables and inflections perfectly. She really loves "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes." We spend at least an hour a day singing and it helps travel time in the car too!

Her speech hasn't made any huge improvements over the past month, but she always used to say "where you" for "where are you?" It was actually one of my favorite expressions because if she didn't know where I was she would say, "mama, where you?" or when looking for a toy she would say, "Bear, where you?" I thought it was cute. Well, all on her own she began to add in the word "are." She now says, fairly clearly, "Mama, Where are you?" -- any small step is something I am willing to celebrate. She is becoming very inquisitive and asking "What's that?" about everything. Of course, Jason and I are really the only ones who know what she is asking as it really sounds like "uh at" however, we've been trying to push her into saying: What. Is. That. in three distinct words. It is fun to watch her exploring the world around her.

I have been trying to be better about reading a little more throughout the day. I always seem to be in the middle of 4 books and so I've been getting better about making the children play by themselves while I sit in the same room and read my book. I can usually get in 4-5 pages without being interrupted. Anyway, I try and put the book I'm reading up on a shelf in order to keep it away from little hands. The other day, Havana ran into the living room, grabbed my book off the shelf, took it to the couch, and then patted the couch and said, "mama, read." I laughed and asked her if she wanted me to read... apparently she did because she kept patting the couch (indicating he wanted me to sit) and saying, "Mama, read."  I certainly took her up on the offer, but also thought it was pretty cute.

In our living room we have a picture of President George W. Bush and I always tell Havana about how great he is. All on her own she began to give his photo a hug. I reacted with such praise that now every time she sees the photos she gives it the biggest hug. It is sweet and I am often filled with pride when I see it. :) 

As a whole, she is doing much better in social situations. Dealing with Havana's stranger anxiety has certainly been a challenge for most of her life, but lately she has been showing a little more flexibility. I can tell she still becomes uncomfortable, but I'm happy that she is learning how to trust us and knowing that it will be okay in the end. I'm proud of her steady improvements in both her communication and her stranger anxiety. We took her to Easter Pageant rehearsal with us the other night and while she gave us the "all done" sign a lot, she began to trust us and those people who were trying to talk with her. Finally, by the end, she was playing on her own in the hallways and yelling down the hallway to me that she had made a boat (out of a box) and was driving it. Someone came up to Jason and said, "Well, if that isn't a little Darby." I smiled... so thankful for those comments when people get a chance to see the true Havana. :)

The other day Havana shocked us... for no reason at all she began calling me "mom" and Jason "dad" -- no more mama and daddy. What! She's too young for that. I laughed it off, but even now, she is having her room time and I hear her calling out into the hallway, "mom" -- guess that's her new name for me. I hope mama makes a comeback soon. :)

Havana is doing well learning the concept of taking turns. We had a friend over the other day and her friend was playing in our Cozy Coupe. Havana wanted to play in it at the same time and so I had to tell her she needed to wait until it was her turn. She responds by going into another room and playing with something else all together. When Hannah was finished playing with the car she went and told Havana that she was done. I thought, "I bet Havana's totally forgotten about it" but just as I said that she runs around the corner full speed saying, "Vana's Turn, Vana's Turn, Vana's Turn." -- it was the funniest thing I've ever seen. However, along those same lines it broke my heart to have her learn that lesson out in public. We often go to Meijers to play in the toy aisle and pass the time. There is a horse at the front of the store that Havana likes to ride (it costs a penny) and then she always like to play in the TV carts. These are carts you can rent that are in the shape of a car and have a TV inside of them. We've never actually rented the cart, but she always plays in them (pretending she's driving) before we leave. Anyway, following our normal routine, we finish riding the horse and move towards the TV carts. There is only one on the rack and there is a sign saying "Out of Order" -- as we approach a mother on her cell phone allows her two children to get into the cart. I tell Havana she has to wait her turn... assuming they were just "playing" in the cart like we do. However, this mom disregards the "Out of Order" sign and proceeds to take the cart around the store. Poor Havana, she kept trying to follow it saying, "Vana's Turn." Broke. My. Heart. 
 
JONAH:

Mister Jonah is now 10 months old. Something about his 10 month day made me reflect on how big he is getting. I'm so proud of him. He began crawling this week. It wasn't a smooth, up on all 4s crawl, but he lurched, rolled, and army crawled in order to get where he is going. He can quickly get from one side of the room to the other so I consider him completely mobile. He can push himself up into a sitting position from a laying one and he is starting to try to pull himself up on furniture, but hasn't quite made that hurdle yet. He loves when does have the chance to stand. If you help him stand, he's a happy camper. Once he learns how to pull himself up, I'm sure that is all he will be doing.

He's a great eater. He still gets a few veggies that are pureed, but other than that, he is on all table food. His favorite foods are pizza and waffles... but he does well with anything. We often laugh that you can't put it on his tray fast enough. He shovels everything into his mouth as quickly as he can. It makes me laugh, really.

He loves reading books, playing with puzzles, and opening and closing things. He loves to watch his sister and thinks she is the funniest person in the world. He is still taking 2 naps a day, although his morning one is slipping from 2 hours to an hour and a half. I'm considering dropping the morning nap soon simply because it keeps us home which during the winter wasn't a big deal, but now that the weather is getting nice, I'd like to be out and about. He continues to do well in the nursery at church and is a very flexible and carefree little boy.

He is good with his signs. He has been able to sign "Milk" for a while, but just this week he began signing "all done" and "more" without even being prompted. The other day I was feeding him his snack and once he was finished he looked at me and did the sign for more. I felt so bad because I had not packed any more for him... but I was proud of him for using his signs.

He is also getting his two top teeth coming in which will make his count up to 4. I am often shocked with how fast he is becoming a big boy. He's such a content little boy and I'm quite crazy about him. I love praying about all that the Lord has planned for him and I often ask that the Lord will help him remain sweet in a world that is very mean.

SIBLINGS:

We are entering a phase where Havana and Jonah are actually playing together. It is truly a blessing to watch them interact. Sure, sometimes it is Jonah crawling over to Havana and taking the toy out of her hand (don't worry, we correct him), but sometimes they really do "play" together. They are also talking together... they have their own little language and it is fun to watch them look at each other in the eyes and talk to each other. And the copy cat game has already begun. If Jonah sneezes, coughs, or talks... Havana is there doing the same thing. If Havana bangs her hands on the table... Jonah bangs his hands on the tray. It is fun to say, "Excuse you, Jonah" for his real sneeze and then say "Excuse you, Havana" for her fake one. It is equally fun to say, "Havana, no banging on the table" and then immediately have to say, "Jonah, no banging on the table." I am so grateful to watch them become friends.

Jonah is wanting to do everything that Havana is doing. Havana really loves the game memory and if we're playing it... he demands to play as well. I also have a memory game on my phone (which she is actually quite good at) and now Jonah is always wanting to play that game too. It is somewhat shocking how well he can navigate my iphone. It is funny to think about having to plan games we can all do together... Jonah insists he is not "too young" for anything. :) 

BABY THREE:

Well, I'm 22 weeks now. I can still manage to "stuff" myself into normal jeans, but I have pulled out the maternity ones. We had an ultrasound last week and things looked good (I guess, they didn't tell me otherwise :). We stayed strong and did not find out the gender! I'm excited for this time to experience pregnancy without knowing if it is going to be a boy or a girl. In my head I think it is a girl because this pregnancy is more like the one I had with Havana, but sometimes I get excited thinking it could, in fact, be a boy. Who knows?! :)

The name debate is going strong at our house. I think we might have settled on a boy's name. Jason has not signed off on it, but I suggested a name and he did not flat out reject it like he normally does. He paused and said, "maybe". That is the same thing he said when I first suggested Havana. So, to me, that shows potential. :) That was only a first name, but in my head I've come up with a perfect middle name to go along with it, but have yet to mention it to Jason as I don't want bring it up too much and have him decide he doesn't like it. But, I'm fairly certain, we have at least the first name picked out for a boy.

If this baby is a girl... no clue. :)

I'm still feeling good... occasionally I'll bend the wrong way and think, "Yikes, that is uncomfortable" but for the most part this is still the easiest pregnancy I've had. For the longest time all I could think about was a blooming onion from Outback, Indian food, and chocolate milk shakes.  While those still sound good, this baby now really likes Greek food. I've had Greek food twice this week and for about 24 hours after eating it the baby is super active and doing flips in the belly. I love feeling it so much because other than on a Greek food high it doesn't seem to move much. :)

The other day I was helping Havana walk down the stairs (no more going down on her bottom, she's a big girl now) and so I was holding her hand. In my other arm was Jonah. I look down at my belly and my eyes well up with tears. I am so blessed to have these children and be their mommy. There is no greater job or ministry and I am grateful for each and every day of my life as a stay at home mom. 

An Important lesson for this Mommy!

Jason and I have talked off and on about entering into full time ministry as long as we've known each other. It was something we talked about more often before the children, but we have mentioned it since. Jason is fluent in Spanish and so when we discuss which country the Lord might be calling us to, we toss around different countries in Latin America that might serve as our future home.

However, in recent months, the Lord has been impressing upon my heart Muslim nations. To be honest, I'm not sure why because I don't know much about the Muslim faith, but the passion is there. I have shared that with Jason and his response is that we should pray about it. As I think  (not pray) about it... I can picture myself moving there tomorrow, but I can't imagine taking Havana and Jonah. I focus more on Havana in those moments... thinking of what her life would look like and how it might be in danger and I think, "nope, I can't take Havana there." Then I realize that isn't that what God did for us? Didn't he send His Son to die for us and yet I'm not willing to move my daughter somewhere so more people can learn about Him?

I know that is true, but at the same time... it didn't change my mind. However, recently, I was talking to some people at church about this and they pointed out that I kept referring to Havana as "my daughter" -- they pointed out that really she is His daughter. Wow. She is God's daughter.

As I've stated before, Jason and I don't believe in contraception... we believe every life is special and a gift. I have always viewed my children as gifts to us from the Lord, but I have failed to view them as the Lord's. What a paradigm shift. How differently would I view overseas missions if I didn't view my children as "my children" but rather "God's children." They were His before they ever were mine. He knows what He is doing...

Driving home that night I was thinking about it a lot. These guys I were talking to also pointed out to me that there are Spanish-speaking Muslim regions in North Africa... putting Jason's and mine passions together. The thoughts were interesting and I was simply speechless. I finally turn on the radio and Steven Curtis Chapman's song "Yours" came on...  here are the lyrics:

I walk the streets of London
and notice in the faces passing by
something that makes me stop and listen
My heart grows heavy with the cry
Where is the hope for London
You whisper and my heart begins to soar
as I’m reminded every street in London is Yours

I walk the dirt roads of Uganda
I see the scars that war has left behind
Hope like the sun is fading
and they’re waiting for a cure no one can find
And I hear children’s voices singing
of a God who heals and rescues and restores
and I’m reminded that every child in Africa is Yours

It’s all Yours God, Yours God, everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky to the depths of the ocean floor
and it’s all Yours God, Yours God, everything is Yours
You’re the maker and keeper, Father and ruler of everything
It’s all Yours

I walk the sidewalks of Nashville
like Singapore, Manila and Shanghai
I brush by the beggar’s hand and the wealthy man
and everywhere I look I realize
Just like the streets of London
for every man and woman, boy and girl
All of creation, this is our Father’s world

It’s all Yours God, Yours God, everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky to the depths of the ocean floor
and it’s all Yours God, Yours God, everything is Yours
You’re the maker and keeper, Father and ruler of everything

You’re the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords

I’ve walked the valley of death’s shadow
So deep and dark that I could barely breathe
I’ve had to let go of more than I could bear
And questioned everything that I believe
But still even here
in this great darkness
A comfort and hope come breaking through
As I can say in life or death
God we belong to you.

It’s all Yours, God
It’s all Yours, God
It’s all Yours, God
It’s all Yours, God

The glory is Yours, God
All the honor is Yours, God
The power is Yours, God

The glory is Yours, God 

So, there I was, raising my hands and singling loudly that everything is Gods... everything... including all my children. I came home and told Jason about my conversation and the lesson I learned. I'm not saying the Lord is calling us to full time missions right now, but I believe He is preparing us for... something. I'm not sure what that something is... perhaps moving overseas, but not necessarily. I believe He is teaching us that our children are His children for something... only time will tell what, but I'm confident the lesson we are learning now will play a role in our future.

Quick Post

Havana has been doing a few things that I want to write down before I forget them:

I never realized how much I used the nickname "baby" until I realize that Havana adds it on to everything! Every time she says thank you it is, "Thank You, Baby." When reading a book I made the "ach-oo" sound and she says, "achoo, baby" -- yes, if she says a phrase it is repeated with the tag line of baby. Not sure why, but it is really cute.

She also loves to pray. This, of course, melts my heart. During meal time she will want us to pray several times and so I have started asked her what she wants us to pray for. It is neat to hear her answers. Sometimes it is for a person or place, but for the most part she wants to pray about songs and shows she likes. :) It has carried over into other times now too. After I go in her room to wake her up - she likes to play in her bed for a while. So I stand over her crib as she reads books and plays with her many dolls. Her new thing is to have her dolls pray. She'll put their hands together and I'll say, "what is (insert doll's name) praying about?" She'll think for a minute and then answer (usually with the same "wheels on the bus or similar answer) and so we'll have the doll pray to learn all the words to the wheels on the bus. It is special to me that she is already developing a heart of prayer.

Her imagination is beginning to show daily in her actions... she loves to play with her dolls and stuffed animals - she pretends to feed and bathe them. She pretends they go to sleep and wake up. We have tea parties and slumber parties and gosh, she is so much fun! :)

She has become rather good at stalling when it comes to bedtime. Her classic tricks are saying that she went potty or that she wants a snack. Neither of those keeps me from going on with the bedtime routine. So, being the creative little girl that she is, she decided that giving mommy great big hugs is the way to prolong bedtime. And. It. Works. I can't help it, but when she wraps her arms around my neck and lays her head on my shoulders I cannot pull her away. Instead I just hold her back, tell her how much I love her, and then kiss her. It prolongs bedtime, but I think some snuggles with a girl who rarely sits still is a good excuse. Now, she is learning that if I ask her to put her toys away and she doesn't want to it that she can run and give me a hug and it gives her a few extra minutes before she has to obey. I'm a sucker for snuggles! :)

Havana has also developed a great interest in my wedding ring. I simply love it and think it is so cute. Girls are born with a heart for fairy tales and love stories and I love sharing ours with her. She'll point to it and say, "mama's wing" and I will tell her how her daddy gave it to me and how he asked me to marry him and I said yes. So when asking her about the story I'll say, "And who gave mommy that ring?" She'll answer, "gaggy" Then I ask, "what did mommy say to daddy when he gave her the ring?" I am meaning, Yes, but she answers with, "thank you, gaggy." I always laugh and then tell her that I most likely did thank him too. :) She is so sweet and polite. :) 

Jonah is now 9 months old and he's very close to crawling. He will lean forward and do a lurch sort of thing - which is closer to crawling than Havana was at that age. I think before long he'll be crawling and keeping up with Havana.

He's becoming very vocal and making fun sounds, but he's also working on his signs. I think he did the sign for milk last night while drinking his bottle, but I'm not positive it was intentional, but I went with it. :)

My children are blessings and I love every moment with them! I couldn't ask for a better job than being Jason's wife and a mommy to his kiddos. I am blessed. :)

Kiddo Update

The children are sleeping and the house is a mess. I need to clean, but instead... I think I'll update my blog. I haven't written a good update about the children in a while so here we go...

Havana - 
She is now 26 (almost 27!) months old and is so incredible. If there was an award for "best sister" I'm pretty sure she would win it hands down. Every time she sees Jonah - she has to give him a kiss. It is the sweetest thing and she has been doing it for weeks without fail. If he is getting fussy, she will go and give him a toy! She also is really good about sharing. Occasionally I will see in her face that she doesn't want to share, but after she pushes through her initial hesitation... she will then gladly share as many toys as she can find. Watching her towards Jonah truly melts my heart. She is also now aware of the baby in mommy's belly. In fact, several times a day she will pat my belly and say, "mama, baby, belly." :)

She is a very active girl. I love her run, it is on her tip toes and she runs all around the house. Lately she has started learning how to do somersaults and she LOVES them. :) This girl is quite a good dancer as well. Every time she hears music she is up and dancing. I have to say, one of my favorite parts of the day is when we dance together in the living room. Her laughter is music to my ears. 

She has become independent lately which is a nice change for me. She loves playing right next to me, but she will venture into other rooms and play by herself. It is fun to watch her imagination at work. She loves stuffed animals right now and no matter what she is doing: all her animals get to have a turn as well. It is funny to me how "real" those animals are to her. If you pass over one of their turns, she will let you know. :) Her new thing, however, is to go upstairs on her own. I'm somewhat okay with this, but confess that I'm a little nervous that while she is up there she will either lose her balance and fall down the stairs or attempt to come down the stairs on her own and also might trip. She is good about going down "on her bottom" when we are with her to remind her, but by herself, I'm not sure she would remember that rule. So, I never let her play too long unsupervised by herself. :) Her room time is going well - staying more than 40 minutes in there without a peep. Some days she even prompts it all on her own. Her independent streak is carrying over to the nursery at church! She is doing great! The past few weeks she hasn't even cried when we dropped her off, but instead just says "bye bye" as if going to the nursery was never a big deal. It makes church time so much better for us!

She is still a great sleeper. We put her to bed around 8 (sometimes 8:30) and she'll stay in her bed and talk until 10 or 10:30... and then she'll sleep in until 9:30 or 10 in the morning. She takes one nap in the afternoon which lately have been 3-5:30ish, but I'm going to try to move them a little bit earlier over the next few weeks. Ideally, 2-5ish is what i'm looking for,  but I seem to be too busy playing at 2 to remember to put her down. :) 

Her speech is improving. I love hearing her talk and communicate. She is still a signing machine and is also learning how to say more sounds. However, she is also becoming increasingly frustrated with herself. When we try to push her to say a word correctly (she says "bye bye" "gye gye") - she will cry and give us the "all done" sign. If we keep pushing her she will start screaming out sounds through the tears which is truly heartbreaking for me to watch. She is trying - she really is, but she simply can't say certain words. I will admit that my heart is still sad over her speech delay. The other night she asked to watch Curious George by making the monkey sounds "ahh ahh" and while Jason was setting it up, she did the sign for "candy" while saying "ahh ahh, andy."  We were so excited! She was telling us she wanted to watch the episode where George eats candy. We celebrated her communication breakthrough! But then it hit me, all she said was "ahh ahh, andy" - she didn't say, "can I watch the Curious George where he eats candy. please?" She can't even say more than a word or two at a time. She is still so very far behind that my heart broke into pieces. I'm crying now just thinking about it. She "chatters" often: in the car, playing with her animals, etc.... but her actual clear sentences are never more than one or two words. I wonder if in her head they are clear. When she is playing with her dolls and having them talk so much...does she hear the clear words in her head? I think so because she understand every word you say to her and can follow several step commands. She knows words, but can speak them. I brought this up to Jason last night and he suggested that we be more proactive about praying for her. That certainly was a wake up for me because I have not been praying for her speech as often as I should be.

She can answer questions... so our dinner conversations are usually me asking her one question after another so we can talk. She also LOVES to sing. Her new favorites are "Bingo" and "The Wheels on the Bus" - she can spell B-I-N-G-O on her own and she knows all the "happenings" on the bus. I'll ask her: what do the wheels do? She'll reply, "round and round (she signs it and says rou and rou). So I sing that verse and then ask her, "what's next?" And she knows what the wipers, horn, doors, money, mommies, driver, people, and babies all do. It is fun to watch her enjoy singing that with me. She also loves "Rock a Bye Baby" but only if she is holding one of her stuffed animals in her arms like a baby and rocking it in front of the fireplace (so she can see herself).

Her first sight word was "Chick-Fil-A" -- she can stop that word anywhere: the building, a billboard, or on toys that we have taken home for their kid's meals. It is very fun to watch her get excited whenever she sees it. She knows all her alphabet letters and when you ask her what the letter says, she knows about 50%. She can also spell Baby (along with Bingo, but that's only in the song :). She can count to 15 on her own! She still knows all her colors, animals, and shapes. She is even good about picking up what I ask her to... if I tell her to get me two purple triangles from a puzzle. She will scour through them and find two purple triangles. She is very, very smart.

She is getting into games, which is helping pass the winter. She loves to play memory and my favorite part about that is we have a Bible version of the game and so she is now learning the Bible characters. By sight, she can pick out Noah, Adam and Eve (she just calls them Eve), David, Daniel, and Jonah. At first I always placed the matches right next to each other, but now she's so good that I have to mix them up! :) She also really loves to play CandyLand. I make her tell me what she sees "two purple" and then we move the people to the correct square. She loves playing this game so much that we use it as a reward after we work on saying our sounds.

I have a few bags set up with different toys on the inside. A "B" bag, a "M" bag, and a "P" bag. We have to do one of those bags before we can play Candyland. I let her pick out the toys in the bag and she has to try to say them. For example, the "B" bag has a bunny, a bear, a baby, and a boat. She can say boat and baby just fine, but bunny is more of a gunny and bear is gear. So I make her say the "b" sound and if she throws in a "g" or "c" sound I tell her no and make her do it again. This is where she'll get frustrated because she'll say, "b,b,b gear" and I'll say, no... b, b, b ear. And we can't move on until she makes her best effort to say it correctly, but even then I've never gotten a clear "bear" or "bunny" out of her.


Anyway, she is still a very funny girl. She makes me laugh a lot with her expressions and her imagination. The other day she was eating lunch and I put down a bowl of green beans and told her she had to blow on them because they were hot. I turned around and kept hearing her say, "baby, (blowing sound)" - I look over and she has her baby doll's face in the bowl and she was pretending to have the baby blow of her food. So clever. :) She is always very fun to watch and play with.

Jason and I believe in heart motivated discipline. That sounds complicated, but the bottom line is that it is "easy" to get a child to act like a Christian. It is easy for parents to enforce first time obedience and then leave it there. It is not as easy, however, to train your child to think like a Christian. To not worry so much about the first time obedience as about why did they disobey? What in their heart do they need to correct?

This isn't a parenting post, but it leads me to my next humorous Havana story. When she disobeys, we talk about it. I correct her with Scripture, but I also tell her what she needs to do to make it right (again this is done with Scripture). You can't correct the child without then giving them the tools they need to know what the right choice is. Anyway, then we always pray about it together. Well, the past two days whenever I start to correct her, she begins praying immediately. She claps her hands together and squeezes her hands tight. It is hard not to bust out laughing. She's funny, but don't worry, while I do pray with her, I make sure we finish our conversation and that she has a chance to "do it again" - which is make the right choice. More than Babywise, I strongly recommend Don't Make Me Count to Three as a must read for all parents. It is similar is practice to Shepherding a Child's Heart but it is a much easier read with clear examples!

Jonah:
My little 8.5 month old man has to be the happiest child in the world. I have never met a more content and chilled little baby in my life. He makes having two kids easy. I can sit him on the floor and he'll play by himself all day. I don't leave him alone that long, but it is nice to know he is that content if I need him to be. :)

He began sitting up on his own and rolling over back in November. He is just now starting to rock forward a little bit, but I think crawling is still a little ways away. He is getting very quick with his rolling abilities and the other day he even rolled himself into Havana's play tunnel. How he got himself into that little opening I still don't know, but the smile on his face was HUGE.

He loves playing. He has a little basketball goal that he loves and Havana has a weeble set that he thinks is the coolest thing on earth. Just today he started learning how to turn the wheel  in order to move the weebles up the slide. I have to say I was impressed that he knew how to do that. He also has a rainforest music thing in his crib that he has now learned how to kick on by himself. :) Clever boy.

He is saying "mama" "nana" and his new favorite word is "oh" - we literally will have a 20 minute conversation where we are simply saying "oh" to each other in different inflections. He enjoys using his voice. :) When he wakes up in the mornings (usually around 9-9:30am) I am greeted not with crying, but by his voice going "oh" "Oh" "Oooohhhh" - followed by his laughter. I'll walk in and he's holding a stuffed animal. :)

His sleeping habits are incredible. he takes a short hour to an hour in a half nap in the AM and then a longer 3-4 hour nap in the afternoon. He sleeps about 13 hours at night. For a while he was waking up in the middle of the night (started out with a cold and then he just thought it was fun) but after Christmas Jason and I simply stopped going in there and now he's back to his 13 hour stretch - although we did hear him about 5am this morning doing his "oh" speech, but we went back to bed and so did he. :)

He is eating a lot these days. Of course he gets the full run of pureed fruits and veggies (made at home, of course :) and now that he's 8 months we give him yogurt too. But he also eats so much table food it isn't funny. The basics like cheerios, puffs, and mum-mums are okay, and even though he only has two teeth he loves actual table food: garlic bread and pizza are his favorites. He has eaten lunch meat, hamburger,  cheese, cut up fruit, bread, pasta, chicken pot pie... pretty much whatever we eat we give to him. The other night we ordered a pizza so I thought I would see how he would do with it... the kid ate more pizza than I did! I could not put it on his tray fast enough! :) No wonder he is wearing 18 month clothing!!!!!

Jonah things Havana is funny and laughs at everything she does. He always wants to be in the middle of what she is doing. He thinks his daddy is pretty funny too. He is also getting really into being thrown into the air, spinning and dancing with us, and he started playing a game on his own that Havana played when she was a baby and that she still plays. He will touch one of our arms or our back and when we look at him he'll laugh so hard. We will look away and then he'll do it again and when we look at him, again so much laughter. 

Havana did that when she was little and she still loves to play that game where she will touch our backs and now we tickle her when she does. I don't know why my kids enjoy that, but now that they both have it is kind of a fun Dugger Family game.

Jonah's laugh has to be the most interesting laugh I  have ever heard. Havana has always had a giggle and a belly laugh... Jonah's laugh is more like a solid scream. It really is funny. When he first started laughing we didn't know for sure if he was laughing or crying. Now that we know he is laughing it is funny to watch him go. As he keeps laughing harder, his scream keeps getting deeper. It's really quite a sound. :)
 

Baby Number Three:

Doing well! We had a "scare" last week. For about a week we could not find the heartbeat on our dopplar. We had been able to find it before and for a solid week we couldn't find it. It was to the point that even Jason was nervous and he even said, "we might be having a miscarriage." If you know my husband, he doesn't normally jump to that conclusion... so that is how scary it was for both of us. Finally, we agreed that we would call the doctor on Monday and try to get in. I was nervous as I was at the 13 week mark and I didn't feel pregnant nor was my belly expanding at all. It wasn't firm like it usually is by this time. However, Monday morning we tried again before calling the doctor and what do you know... a rapid little heart beat was there to greet us. I was so relieved and kept Thanking the Lord for His grace. Jason said, "where have you been?" to the baby and I laughed and thought perhaps this will be our problem child. :) However, I know that I will be thankful for every "problem" he/she gives us because I am so thankful for his/her little life.

I will be 14 weeks on Monday and I'm still leaning towards not wanting to find out the gender. Jason has his doubts that I will stay strong, but I have things for each and who knows, perhaps this will be our last biological child and it may be our last time to have to true surprise. :) I think it will be fun. Coming up with two names, on the other hand, won't be as much fun since Jason and I struggle with coming up with names we agree on. It is a miracle we've named the children we have!

Other than that one scare, I'm feeling great. Not sick, not gaining weight, no food aversions or cravings, no needing to eat often... nope, it is hard for me to remember sometimes that I am pregnant because this one has been so easy. Other than hiding from the Doppler.. this kid is perfect. :) Hoping my second trimester shapes up to be as good as the first.