Reflections

One of Satan's tactics when raging war with me is discouragement. He often whispers lies into my mind that I dwell on rather than dismiss. In those seasons when I am not diligent about taking every thought captive, I can quickly become discouraged. The past two weeks I have been in that emotional state specifically in regards to my writing and my marriage blog (check it out at darbydugger.com).

You see, I did the whole publication process backwards. I published my book and then started a blog. Typically, the reverse is true: You begin a blog, grow your audience, and then tackle the book beast. However, I felt so convicted by the Lord to turn my 2009 e-mails into a devotional that I didn't want to delay my obedience by going about the release in the conventional way (And, let's face it, the Lord rarely calls us to the conventional). At that time, the Lord asked me to publish a book - not build a blog so that is what I did.

For the Love of Our Husbands was released two weeks before we had Selah and it has done better than I ever imagined! I have heard from people all around the world who have been blessed by the words found within those pages. When that happens, all I can do is praise the Lord because clearly it is His work. Only He can take something I wrote in 2009 and make it applicable to someone else today.

Over the past year I have spontaneously blogged on my book's blog, but only the last four months can trace the hand of God throughout my writing on that site. He has orchestrated my days so that I have time to blog regularly (four children in four years with a "no computer while the children are awake" policy makes writing a bit of a challenge!). In addition to time, the Lord has given me a heart for this blog... something I previously didn't have.

With God stirring up my heart for my marriage blog and gifting me with time to keep it active... I have been amazed at all He is doing. The monthly newsletter and Pray-Day Thursdays are results of His vision being birthed in my heart. While the act of writing scares me (I don't pretend to have perfect grammar).. I have been excited for the growing ministry.

Yet, walking in obedience to the Lord brings opposition. The Enemy has been scheming and I have been falling prey. I began comparing my blog to others and quickly felt inadequate. I tried to connect with similar bloggers and have been ridiculed (some Christian bloggers are quite snobby!). E-mails have been sent to my account that have been disheartening to read. People have unsubscribed from my work. The past two weeks have been discouraging to say the least.

Yesterday, I published my 100th blog post on darbydugger.com. (I didn't even realize it was my hundredth or I might have offered a giveaway or something... ). The Lord knew my heart was heavy about all of this and so He allowed me to run into a sweet friend who thanked me for the blog posts. At the time, I was trying to keep up with all four children at a park and couldn't accurately thank her for her words, but the timing was perfect. Then, at dinner last night I was telling my husband how discouraged I was about a certain response to one of my posts... at the exact moment I was telling him this I received a text thanking me for the post. This morning I was also greeted by a few more encouraging e-mails. As I have reflected over the past 24 hours, I can't miss The Lord's graciousness and peace in the midst of my own self doubt. He knew I needed to be encouraged and He blessed me with perfectly timed booster shots. The Lord is growing my ministry in His time and His way... and that is all what I want.

The numbers don't matter. The comments (positive or negative) don't matter. The only thing of importance is that I am following the Lord's leading... as long as I am merely a vessel, the Lord will glorify Himself. That's all I want.