Selah Cadence Dugger!

Selah Cadence Dugger came into the world on July 19, 2011 at 12:17pm. She was 8 pounds, 14 ounces and was 22 inches long. She is such a gift from God! We loved our doctor (she had graduated from medical school with Jason and it was very special to have her as our doctor), but the hospital experience was not our favorite. But, I'm trying to focus on the good and not the bad... :)

For this pregnancy Jason and I decided not to find out the gender. We knew the gender with Havana and Jonah per my request. Jason always wanted to experience a surprise, but being such a planner I really wanted to know so I could be prepared. However, this time, we had things for either gender and I thought I could resist finding out the gender as a "love gift" to Jason. :) Not finding out the baby's gender caused one problem - we had to come up with two names. Jason and I don't always agree on names... it has been a sore spot for us in the past :). About 5 months into the pregnancy we agreed on a boy's name. It just came to us, I suggested it and Jason quickly jumped on board. He even had come up with a nick name that he would call him. We were excited for the name as it had a lot of meaning and significance behind it. Finding a girl's name, however, was not so easy... in fact, when we delivered Selah and the doctor said, "it's a girl" -- she still had no name!

Several weeks ago I was reading in my Bible and apparently I was reading rather quickly, but I thought I read the name "Cadence" -- I thought about it for a day and then mentioned it to Jason. He liked it because it was musical and he liked it even more because before I told him he didn't know it was in the Bible. I told him how it was in the book of Acts and that sealed the deal for him because his name is also in the book of Acts. We thought, "this is perfect. A Biblical name that is connected to Jason's." We were pretty excited and settled on the name Cadence. That night I had Jason read the passage of Scripture and he turns to me and very lovingly says, "This name is Candace, not Cadence." To say we were disappointed would be an understatement. We went back and forth on if we should still keep that name, but really, it didn't have a significant story or meaning behind it.  Can you follow Havana and Jonah (two names rich with personal meaning for Jason and I) and follow it up with "we just liked the name"? We didn't know. I said I would be okay with the name as long as we could find a significant middle name. Over the weeks nothing came to us. We searched the Bible, we searched our friend's names, we were stalking kids in the nursery at church to read their name tags hoping to stumble across the most perfect name. I even spent a long time praying about it. I felt like our boy name was so perfect and given to us by God ... I prayed that He would let me know what the baby's name should be if it was a girl. Nothing.

Monday night at the hospital... we started talking about names again. Cadence kept coming up, but again, we weren't sold on it. We thought it was very pretty and Jason liked the musical meaning behind it, but outside of that, we weren't sure. As we got ready for bed, Jason was laying on his pull out couch reading some Bible verses on his phone. He looked up at me and said, "What about Selah?" I paused. We had not even thought about that name before. "From Psalms?"  I ask. We began talking about it... it was musical in nature (indicating a pause in the music) so it could possibly go with Cadence - either as a middle name or her first name. Jason is a very musical person and so that connects in his soul. It is Biblical. It is found in the book of Psalms as well as in Habakkuk (one of my personal favorite books) and it thought to mean "a pause for reflection" - similar to the word "Amen." We liked that because in a world that rarely pauses for reflection - what a great reminder to do so. To think about all we have been through with struggling with infertility, losing Elijah and Jonah's twin, experiencing a failed adoption... and now looking at our lives - three children under three, a thriving marriage, etc. In our lives which are so busy with cleaning up toys, reading stories, and changing diapers... we don't want to forget to pause and reflect on God's goodness to us. We are incredibly, incredibly blessed and feel so humbled to be the parents of three lives. On top of all of that, I heard once that it was a city in the Old Testament, although I'm not positive about that fact, and of course Havana is named after a city in Cuba and while Jonah isn't a city - his conversation with God that was so applicable to my life a few years ago was about the city of Nineveh. Anyway, there just seemed to be some meaning behind  the name. The last thing Jason said to me Monday night was, "pray about the name Selah and we'll talk about it tomorrow."

The induction began at 5am and things progressed quickly so we did not have time to talk about it. They broke my water at 9:30am and she was born at 12:17pm. When they laid her on me my very first thought was, "Hi,  Selah." I can't explain the moment fully, but the best way is to say that I really felt like the Lord was introducing me. "Mommy meet Selah, Selah meet your mommy." I wanted to say it out loud, but seeing as Jason and I had not discussed it nothing was finalized and so I didn't want to make the decision for the both of us. It took a few minutes until things were calm enough for us to talk about it. Cadence Selah Dugger or Selah Cadence Dugger or something else all together? We had a friend with us who was there to take photos and she was there for the beginning on the conversation so she heard us bouncing around the two names. She later excused herself and we continued the discussion. We mentioned that Cadence was the "safer" of the two names - it seems more feminine and less likely to get the "huh?" response when we tell people her name. Yet, we were still really drawn to Selah. Jason said it was such a musical name that the only middle name he liked with Selah was Cadence (verses if her first name was Cadence he didn't think the middle name had to be Selah but could be a different name all together). We practiced saying both out loud like we were calling her in for dinner. It was quite comical, actually. Jason's one hesitation about Selah was that we had just come up with it the night before. If you know my husband, you know he never makes a rash decision - he thinks things through very carefully and he kept saying, "we haven't had any time to toss it around." I did mention that perhaps the Lord gave it to us just when He wanted to. By this time it was 1:45pm so we had given birth an hour and half ago and still had not called anyone because we didn't have her name. We both agreed that we wanted to go with Selah Cadence Dugger. Literally at that exact moment Jason's phone received a text... from our friend, Lisa, who had taken the pictures. This is what she wrote,

"My opinion on the name discussion... for whatever it's worth... Selah follows your pattern of the short a sounds at the end of the name... ElijAH, HavanA, JonAH, SelAH... Personally, I love Selah Lisa (her name) Dugger. HAHA.  Selah Dugger is very cute. I'm sure you're used to correcting people with Havana's name... I was just thinking people would think Cadence is either Candice or Caden... But don't listen to my two cents worth."

Her text was perfect! We had just said "let's name her Selah" when the text came through. Jason read the text out loud and we thought it was perfect. She chose the same name we did, but on top of that, it was incredibly special to us that she remembered Elijah in with our children when talking about about the short "a" sounds -- honestly, that was a connection even I had not made! I also laughed when she mentioned people not getting Cadence's name right, because I had originally read Candice as Cadence in the Bible. With smiles on our faces we kissed on Selah's cheeks calling her by her name. We are so grateful for her little life and we look forward to discovering all the plans the Lord has for her! Welcome to the World, Selah Cadence Dugger, We love you!!!

Boy or Girl?!

I'm in the hosptial! The plan was to come into tonight and start some gel - after doing that all night they would begin the actual induction at 7:30am on Tuesday. However, I have progressed so far that they gave us the option of beginning the induction now to have a middle of the night delivery or we could sleep here at the hospital and start the induction at 5am. We chose the latter choice figuring we'll have one last night of relaxation. Jason is out getting me some outback steakhouse - I have wanted a blooming onion this entire pregnancy and have yet to eat one...  so, I'll get to eat one tonight! I honestly just wanted a salad tonight for dinner so I ordered one of their salads to go with it. I'm pretty excited for him to come back with my food (and milkshake from steak-n-shake - another baby request :)  because I'm hungry but then we just get to hang out, watch TV, and chat. I'm not even hooked up to any  wires so I can walk around and do whatever. My doctor was laughing at me because I was claiming this was a date. :) Anyway, in our non silly moments in the hosptial we come together for prayer for our baby. Praying he or she will be healthy and have no complications during or after labor and delivery. I am a little nervous about the unknown gender... namely because we don't have a name for a girl picked out and I love our name for the boy. I even dreamed last night that it was a girl and so we had to name her after the nurse because that was the only name we had. I told Jason about it and his response was, "well, now we have a plan." Silly guy! :)  I think Jason has really enjoyed not knowing the gender of this baby. Even today he was talking about how this makes this pregnancy special and different from our previous two... we are walking into a lot of unknowns and I think Jason is excited for the moment he will know for sure! I hope to get his face captured on tape. :)  At first I was indifferent towards it, but then it started getting to me more the farther i've come simply because we don't have a name for a daughter. I love our boy's name what if we settle for a girls name? Will I have any form of disappointment? Not over her life, but just that I wasn't able to have the perfect name for her. I've even been praying for the Lord to let me know what her name is supposed to be... so far, nothing... So I'm a little anxious about that. However, Jason is excited... he doesn't put a lot of stalk in what people say and I've had several people tell me girl and others (including the Chinese Predictor Kit) have said boy. One of them will be right! And I know Jason will be thrilled to experience that moment of the unknown - and I'm getting a little excited about it myself. ;) 

It is weird right now... I'm laying in a hospital bed, but am not hooked up to anything and yet I'm still feeling my contractions... it is surreal to take it all in and wonder how the next several hours will go. I took a sleeping pill not too long ago in hopes to get one last night of rest. All the flurry will begin around 5 and I'll be anxious to know how quickly things progress since I have never been this far along at the start of the induction before. :)

Well, most likely won't post more tonight... but just wanted to write one post about this hospital experience and the anticipation over this baby - which really not knowing the gender really has made this induction so far different emotionally. Anyway, this pregnancy reminds me so much of my pregnancy with havana that I think this baby has to be a girl. Yet, sometimes I wonder since I feel like we have a perfect boy's name that I have prayed for... it makes me wonder if it is a boy after all. I can honestly say I have no idea. I say "I think it is a girl" but that comes and goes... so I don't know... I'm excited to find out and praying the perfect name will come to us if we are blessed to have another daughter.

Thanks for reading this random post.... I'm feeling the sleeping aids start to kick in.... hopefully Jason will make it back with my food. :) Perfect timing... he is here!!! Goodnight and please keep us in your prayers anytime after 5am.

My Last Letter to my Two Children...

Dear Havana and Jonah,

I am writing this while you are both taking a nap. When you wake up I will be getting ready to head to the hospital to deliver your new baby brother or sister so this will be the last time I write a note that is only to the two of you. I wanted to take a moment to share my pride and love for you and update you on all your growth! I am so proud of you both. I say daily that there really couldn't be anyone cuter or smarter or better than you two. You two have captured my heart in such a way that I can't describe... I love our life together. I love our family. I find myself simply staring at your beautiful faces and wondering how I became so lucky to be your mommy? I thank the Lord every single day for your daddy and you both! I pray constantly for your protection and your health.

Havana, you are cracking me up these days with the things you are saying! Here's a list of my favorites:

• You are great about wanting everyone to have a turn... and the other day we were all playing Hop Scotch and you made sure that Jonah, Daddy, and Tucker all had a turn. Then you exclaimed very clearly, "baby in mama's belly turn!" It made me smile to see you include him/her already. That has continued as you ask to give it a kiss every night before bed. And you not only give it a kiss, but a butterfly kiss and an Eskimo kiss as well! :) You found a flash light the other day and enjoyed playing with that. Then you ran up and pulled up mommy's shirt and shined the light into my belly and said, "hello, baby in mama's belly." You are such a sweet sister!
• You like the show "Dave and the Giant Pickle" which is a Veggie Tales version of David and Goliath. In the show Goliath says in a deep voice, "Who Will Fight me?" Well, one night I was getting you ready for bed and you turn to me with a deep voice and say something... that to me sounded like you were saying, "Oh Bite me." I looked at your daddy and we both tried to contain our giggles (and slight concern over where you might have picked up that phrase) but then we realized you were pretending to be Goliath and saying "Who Will Fight Me?" That made us laugh even more! :) 
• You've become fascinated with stop signs. You can point them out and spell STOP without any effort. You always like to make sure we come to a complete stop. Well, one day, your daddy was in a hurry in our neighborhood and he did what some people would call a "rolling stop." You said, "stop sign. Havana Stop." I asked (as I always do), "Did you see that sign? Did you see Daddy stop?" But instead of answering yes, you answered with a very loud, "NO." -- which made mommy laugh because you were telling the truth... daddy had not completely come to a stop. What a smart girl. 
• You are a big fan of "red sauce" and "yellow sauce" (ketchup and mustard) which you request at almost every meal to dip all your food into. During one of your speech therapy lessons the other day Mrs. Elizabeth showed you a picture of a jar of honey. The only context in which you know honey is when a bear is eating it... so when Mrs. Elizabeth said, "what is this?" You answered with pure excitement, "Yellow Sauce!" You thought it was mustard and you were very excited to answer that. Your dad and I began laughing really hard! You're precious to us!
• Your imagination has exploded lately and it is fun to watch you play with all your animals and dolls, but it is also fun to watch you pretend to be an animal. You love crawling around on the ground and making a "hiss" sound - you little snake! :) You pretend to be characters from TV shows you watch... you're simply fun!
• You are, as you have always been, into dancing... your new things is to run around in a circle and raise your arms. You are very insistent that we dance with you just like that. You are a good dancing love bug! 
• Since moving into your big girl bed you've gotten very into helping mommy change the sheets! I'm not exactly sure why, but you really enjoy it and often request for me to change your sheets. The other day I was taking a bath and had given you my phone to play with on my bed while you waited for me to finish. I come out of the bathroom and you've taken off the comforter and said, "change sheets." I don't know you if you were pretending you were changing the sheets or if you were suggesting that I change my sheets... but it was fun for me. 
• Speaking of my phone, girl, you have an iphone problem! You are addicted. The other day you were playing downstairs with daddy and I came up to take a bath and I left my phone on the bathroom counter. You came up to "check" on me and saw my phone. I told you that you were not allowed to play with it right now and so you leave the bathroom and slowly close the door. Only, you left it open just a crack-- big enough to slip your little arm in... I see your little hand feeling around on the counter for the phone. You sneaky little girl... too bad mama knows all your tricks. 
• The other day you and mommy had a date! We've been teaching you lately about dates - you had one with daddy where he took you to the pool. This one was with mommy and I took you to a bakery. Anyway, I made a mistake the other day... I was excited about our date and your daddy and I were going on a date the next night so I excited about that... anyway, as I put you into your car seat I gave you a kiss and told you that all dates ended with a kiss. I didn't think much of it - I wanted to kiss from you and I wanted a kiss from your daddy the next night -- it just made sense. Well, during dinner that night we were telling daddy about our date and I explained how I taught you that all dates end in kisses. He quickly corrected me. They don't! So dont' expect to be kissing any boys after you go on a date with them in high school! Just saying! Clearly mommy wasn't thinking about the big picture in that moment of parenting. haha. 
•  My favorite moments with you lately have been during your wake up time. In the morning and after nap time, I come into your room and sit on the bed and we just talk. Sometimes we play with your animals other times we just talk about what you dreamed about... it is fun to have those moments and carry on "big girl" conversations with you. Your are turning into such an amazing little girl. Your heart is so pure and last night your daddy prayed that you would hold onto that innocence for as long as possible. You also said something funny yesterday. We were talking about our plans for the day and you sat up on your knees and said, "well, let's do it!" I don't know where you came up with that phrase either, but it made me smile. You have a tendency to do that a lot.
• Your at that phase now where kisses heal everything. If you get any kind of "boo-boo" a simple kiss from mommy and daddy can make it "all better." I love that you are so easily comforted. You're a pretty tough little girl and not much makes you cry, but occasionally you'll say, "vana sad" if your feelings are hurt. You also have just started to notice your tears... so when you cry you'll say  "eyes" because you don't know what is going on with your eyes. So sweet... I guess I am glad you don't really know what tears are yet. 
• You are still loving to do the "Cinderella" dance with daddy. I think you do it several times a day. 
• We have added doing shadow puppets to your nightly routine. You love doing bunnies, butterflies, ducks, and horses. 
• Recently we studied about John the Baptist in the Bible. I didn't realize how "into" the story you got and you asked your daddy to "baptize" you. So he did (pretend of course). The next night after we did shadows you kept saying something and I thought you were asking for "butterflies" again... I told you we had already done those. You said, "no, dada, baptize." You wanted daddy to baptize you again. The next night daddy was changing your diaper and you kept saying "baptize" but he thought you were saying "bath time" and he said no. You looked at him and said, "no, baptize." Finally it took a few times, but then he realized what you were saying. I can't wait to watch you make the choice in real life. :)
• You're speech has improved so much! You are asking great questions and using your words to ask for permission. I love having conversations with you. 
• You have an incredible memory. Our next door neighbors recently had a baby and they named him Jake... when we told you his name you immediately connected it to a show you watched once several months ago. I didn't even remember that the baby on that show was named Jake, but you did! I was impressed! 

There are so many more funny stories and memories that capture my heart, but those are just a few! Your mommy loves you and I love watching your growth!

Jonah, oh my big boy...

I love you so much. You have turned into quite a mama's boy and frankly, I'm okay with it. Havana has always been a bit of a daddy's girl and so to have someone who runs to me for comfort is kind of nice. You have become very "clingy" to mommy and I'm not sure if you sense that a new baby is coming or if you are just getting to that age. But, not matter what, I love you so much! You are such a handsome little boy. Your face has to be one of the cutest things on the planet. You've got some hair on you, bubs... daddy has been saying that we need to cut it soon, but I haven't been ready. However, it is getting pretty long and pretty curly... so I think soon we'll explore the first hair cut. :)

You are becoming much more aware of everything around you lately. You are noticing when we are reading H a story or dancing with her and you always want to be included. I think there has been a time or two you've felt left out and so we're making a greater effort to include you in everything Havana is doing. You get pretty excited when you think you are a "big boy" and getting to do all the stuff your sister does.

You are getting into wrestling with your daddy! You love rough playing with him. He'll throw you up into the air and tickle you on the ground and you squeal and squeal with laughter! You still can't walk yet, but you're awfully rough and tumble! I love it.

You are saying more words too. You can say, "Tucker" and of course still call for me and your dad. You can even say your name if I ask you "who is that?" when looking at a picture of yourself.

You continue to be such a great "individual player" - sure you love to do whatever Havana is doing and you are interested in whatever she is playing with, but you also will crawl into a room and simply entertain yourself for hours. It is fun to watch you play with things and as you get older I'm starting to see many more "boy" traits. Your daddy and I joke that you are "all boy" as you are obsessed with balls and cars. You love throwing, catching, chasing, and rolling balls. You have a pretty impressive arm if I do say so myself. It is also fun to watch you roll cars on the ground. You seem to never tire of that game. You are a boy and I love watching you grow!

You are also becoming very "boyish" in the fact that you get into everything. You love to play in tucker's water bowl, the toilet, you love taking everything out of any drawer, you name it... you are getting into it. Whew, some days you wear me out. It is fun for me to watch you explore your world, but it is also exhausting. For a while I was letting you get away with a lot of it underestimating your intelligence, but then I realized you are 14 months old, you can kiss on command, speak some words, etc... you are smart enough to know boundaries and how to test them! So, mama's become more aware of your little tactics and I'm not letting you get away with all your mischief anymore. ;)

You have become quite the snuggler! Of course I am okay with that. When I wake you up - you like to show me your toys in your crib but then you like for me to hold you. You simply rest your head on my shoulder and I could stay in that position forever. You're so sweet and it melts my heart. You're also endearing when you crawl up to me and put your head on my leg or my belly. Oh to capture those embraces. My favorite though is your kiss. You can kiss on command. Sure, it is an open mouthed kiss, but I can't get enough... I'll say, "give your mama a kissey" and you will lean in and give me one. Then we usually both laugh. I often view that as my own personal pay check for being your mommy. I couldn't ask for anything more.

You are an answer to prayer and I have been praying for you a lot lately as we prepare to bring your baby brother or sister home. Last night your daddy prayed for you to not feel insecure in our love with the new arrival. You are and will always be a very special boy who has an incredible spot in our hearts and in our family. I love watching you grow and I am honored to be your mother!

Often these days I feel like I am living in a fairy tale. I have this incredible husband and we have these wonderful children. I know my life hasn't always been a fairy tale... we have experienced trials, heart aches, and such... many of which are written about in this very blog. But right now, I feel like I'm resting in a very sweet time and I am very thankful for that. I'm soaking it all in because I know hard times are bound to come again... that's life... and so when they do I will draw strength in remembering these times where life is so precious and joy filled. But no matter what, the Lord is good and faithful!

Havana and Jonah, never ever forget how much your mommy and your daddy love you! I can't wait to watch you both grow and thrive as we bring the new baby home!

I love you,
mommy!