April Update

Sadly, my goal of updating the blog once a month is failing... miserably. Ha! I am so far behind I wonder where to even start...

Havana:

Well, our precious daughter will be 18 months old on April 28th! She is getting so big, so quickly. I'm very proud of her and absolutely love my job of being her mommy. I can't imagine spending my days doing anything else other than playing with her and meeting her needs. She has such a sweet and tender heart that I love watching.

I won't lie, it was a long winter with her. She is very much like me and we both get bored quickly if we just stay home all day - so being snowed in for several days was a challenge on both of us, but we made it through. ;) The past few months had other challenges in them as well as she is gaining independence and had discovered the wonderful world of fits. It has certainly tested me in our parenting skills.

A couple of months ago, she became quite demanding for TV and what foods she wanted to eat. If you didn't give her the foods she wanted, she would throw the food you were giving her on the floor and scream non-stop. If you said no to TV, she would throw herself on the floor. We quickly realized we needed to bite this in the butt. We totally took away all TV for her and went several weeks without turning it on at all. That was actually very refreshing! The meal time battle was a little different, at first I would offer her a few different foods for dinner because I was scared she would get hungry at night. She would reject everything I offered (I'm sure if I offered ice cream, she would have been okay with that! :) After a few nights of that Jason and I really decided that isn't going to be how we do things in our family. She can't decide what we eat for dinner, I decide. I can't imagine having 5 children and fixing them all something different. She can eat what is offered or she can go to bed hungry... Still, it took several nights of her screaming, throwing her food on the floor, and going to bed without dinner before she quickly got the hang of it. I'm happy to announce it has been at least a full month, if not two, since her last fit at dinner time. In fact, now she gladly eats what we give her or is content to walk around the kitchen by herself while Jason and I finish dinner. While we eat we refuse to hold her or play with her - so she can eat dinner with us or play by herself. Meal times are much nicer around our house these days. :)

Dealing with her emerging self will was certainly a trying time for us. As her parents, we hate to see her upset, but we had to look at the big picture-- what did we want to instill in her? We did not want her to think that she gets to choose what we eat... nor do we want her to think if she cries hard enough, she will get her way. We want her to learn that mommy and daddy are the boss and we love her, but won't let her rule our home. While I do think giving a child choices is very healthy for them, there are only certain types of choices she gets. She can choose to drink water or milk with her snack, during our free play time (pretty much all day...:) she can choose what room and what toy. She can choose which book we read, etc. She CANNOT choose what we eat for meals, when and how much TV she gets, what time she goes to bed, etc.

I certainly wouldn't call our parenting style authoritative, but we do expect her to learn self control. She will still throw fits, as all toddlers do, but we gently tell her that she needs to gain self control and then we walk away. Once she has gained self control, we praise her and then we talk about her feelings - why she was feeling sad, what did she want, and if applicable, why she couldn't have what she was asking for. We think communication is key, but at the same time, I'm not going to explain myself to her or ask her if it is alright that we don't do something -- sometimes it is just because mommy and daddy don't think the activity she wanted to do is best for the family right now or whatever - we do explain that to her and we always tell her that we love her very much but that she can't always get her way. I also tell her I know this is a hard lesson to learn.

We've also been working on first time obedience. If she disobeys us, she is punished (right now that punishment is usually either a time out or ending a game we were playing). It is hard (emotionally and physically not to mention the time it takes up!) to continually follow through, but it is so very important for her to know that we mean what we say... when we say it. When we ask her to put a book away, we do expect her to do it. At first we had to help her with this, but now she knows that when we finish a book, she has to put it back... sometimes she'll run off laughing or just throw the book on the ground (and laugh). That isn't acceptable...While we have done a lot to baby proof the house - she will go up and touch the TV or an outlet while looking at us because she KNOWS she isn't supposed to... little goose... anyway, if she does either of those, she will get put in time out. The other day I told her no and she immediately signed "sorry" which is what she has to do in order to come out of time out - I had to keep my laughter inside and still make her have a time out! :) Our basic parenting philosophy is that our first goal with her - above anything else - is to have her know and love the Lord. We try to model that in our own lives for her as well as talking and praying with her often. We want her to know that God is trusting us to be her parents, and it is her responsibility to obey us... when she disobeys us, she is ultimately disobeying God. We want her heart to reflect obedience towards Him and with that comes obeying us. We also have a responsibility to apologize to her if our parenting or example isn't in line with His Word. There has already been a time or two I've had to apologize to her for mistakes I have made... We also feel that once she is old enough to do something herself, we no longer do it for her. Now that she can put her books away without our help, that is now her job, I'm not going to do it for her anymore. That way she learns responsibility.

Other than dealing with all of that, which was more during February than now... our focus these days is just being consistent... she's a pretty perfect little girl. She does make me laugh out loud daily by something that she does and I love watching her use her imagination! She enjoys music, reading, cooking in her kitchen, building towers, and driving her cozy coup! She has also become very aware of shapes and loves any sort of shape sorter! We take many trips to the zoo, the children's museum, the park, bouncertown, and we have story time at the library twice a week! We also try to have 1-2 play dates with friends a week! She's very active, smart, funny, and kind. She can be pretty sensitive (she gets that from me!) and I love how tender the Lord has made her heart. I can't wait to see what He does in and through her life!!!

She is starting to look more and more like me, but certainly has her daddy's height. I look at her every morning pretty sure she grew several inches from the night before. She is a great little communicator with sign language, but her verbal communication isn't where it "should" be and so we are getting ready to start speech therapy with her. I guess part of me wishes she didn't need speech therapy because I feel as if she is so perfect, but Jason and I agree that we would rather be proactive and help this instead of her turning two and us thinking we should have started something earlier. Her hearing and comprehension are incredible (I can be in one room and start quoting from a book that is on her bookshelf in her room and she'll run and pick out the exact book I'm quoting!) but she doesn't realize she can say words like we can. She has not shown much frustration over this and as I said, she is very good at communicating... but it will be fun to watch her as she learns how to form words on her own! I think Jason is getting excited to hear her say "dada" which she still has never said (although she does sign for him now, which is very sweet). :)

We get asked a lot if she is ready to be a big sister. Well, I don't know... since she is so young there isn't a lot we can do to prepare her, but over the winter, we got Baby Ap's room ready and if the door is closed we tell her she needs to be quiet because he is sleeping. If it is open, she can go in and play. We also transitioned her into a "big girl room" and moved the glider and such out of her room and into the nursery. Now I'll sit in the glider in the nursery and tell her I can't play with her because I'm feeding baby brother... so she usually just brings a book in to my feet and looks at it. I'm not sure she really understands, but I'm hoping as we bring him home and I say those words, she'll put it all together. We've also been reading a few books to her - one is Grumpy Gloria which is about a dog who feels left out until she learns there is room for two... and we really talk about the pictures and what is happening. We also have a book called "I'm a Big Sister Now" and it goes all into babies and how they cry and don't play very much, but how mommy and daddy still love the big sister. We read that to her often but changed the names from Baby to his name and when it says "I" we insert "Havana." Sometimes when we are snuggling I'll tell her a story about a Mommabear, Dadabear, Havanabear, and a BabyApbear.... and tell the story of bringing Ap home and Havana not knowing what to think about it... again, I'm not sure how much she realizes, but hopefully, once we put a face with a name, I'm hoping it will all click! That and a whole lot of prayer!

Jason and I have certainly become MUCH more prayerful in everything. She is getting to the age we don't want to make parenting mistakes that we'll have to "undo" later and we want to really seek God's face in how to raise her... so, we've gotten into the habit of praying with her a lot, but after we put her to bed at night, we usually go and pray for her and for us. It is humbling and exciting to see the Lord work in our family in such powerful ways.

Baby Ap:

Well, he's doing well. I'm now full term! This pregnancy has been harder in general than my one with Havana, but I certainly can't complain because I'm so grateful for life and to be able to have another baby. I can't wait to meet him in about a week! :)

We have his first name picked out -- but not his middle name yet. We keep going back and forth between two different names for that one. I wore a bracelet when Havana was born that had her named engraved on it and so we took that same bracelet back to the store and had them engrave his name on it as well. Can't wait to share it with you all and the story behind it!!! :)

Jason and I are doing incredibly well. I am so grateful for such a wonderful husband. The other day I was looking at Havana and was overcome with peace that she would marry a quality man because of the dad she has. They have such an incredible relationship and I feel that all my children will benefit greatly in life because Jason is their father. :) He continues to be an amazing husband each and every day. He comes home and tells me stories of conversations he has had at work where he is able to share his faith or what God is teaching him and I'm just so thankful for him as my spiritual leader and protector.

We also have been seeking the Lord's will for where we should move. We are currently living in a rental house until the baby is born and we actually found a house within the past week that we made an offer on! The offer was accepted and pending a good home inspection, we should be closing on it in mid-May. The house is in New Albany, Indiana - near exit 7 off of 65. For those who don't live around there, that is very close to Louisville! We are very, very excited to move back and get re-integrated with all of our dear friends. While I will miss my friends and the city of Indy; I am thrilled to think about being part of the Southeast family again. I feel so blessed by all my Louisville friends who have stayed close despite the miles and it will be so refreshing to be back there. Four years later, every time I head back to visit, I always feel like I am home.

We had thought about moving back down there earlier, but by the time we sold our house, we knew we were pregnant and wanted to stay up here and keep our doctor (whom we LOVE!!!) so we just rented a house. Jason mentioned once that he wondered if the way were feeling is similar to what the Israelites felt...knowing God is calling us to some place, but not being able to get there. Feeling almost like an aimless wanderer, not really being able to put down roots knowing we might leave, but knowing it wasn't time to enter the Land either. Of course, we know Louisville is NOT the promised land, but it is challenging to stay in one place when you feel called to another. But, we're getting excited for the move becoming closer (although moving with a new born and an 18 month old doesn't sound so appealing!) despite how sad we'll be to leave certain people and Elijah's grave site. I certainly have plans on coming back from time to time and am so thankful for facebook to stay in touch with friends!

Living in New Albany will be a longer commute for Jason, but he's willing to do it for our family. He is still loving his job at Columbus Regional Hospital, and I have to say that I like it too! All his partners are very nice and his hours are amazing! We are so grateful for him to have that job!


Well, I most likely won't update until after the baby is born... which is just a few days away! Please be praying for us, Ap and his safe arrival, and Havana and the transition of becoming a big sister (and that she does well without Mommy and Daddy for a few days...). I'm so excited to see what the Lord has planned for the Dugger family!!