Booed!!

Last night I came home to find a bag of Halloween goodies on my front porch! Yes, I was booed. In case you are unfamiliar, it is a neighborhood game where you put together a bag of goodies and leave it anonymously on the door step of someone in the subdivision. Included in the bag are treats for the children and instructions on how to continue on the game. Once you have been "booed," you mark your front door so that there are no repeats.

I will admit that I was very excited to find this treasure on my doorstep. I used to babysit for families that always got into this game and I couldn't wait until I could play it. The other neighborhoods we lived in before this one were really small and mostly older couples - very few people had children and no one played the game. So, this was my first time to be "booed" and I couldn't have been more excited (yes, I am a nerd! :).I'm not sure who booed us (part of the fun is remaining anonymous!) but I think it has to be one of the five families that know us personally because our goody bag included baby food for Jonah! So sweet that he was included.

This morning we went out and bought a goody bag and lots of Halloween fun to put inside. I was very impressed with my husband for selecting great items to add to the bag (he doesn't normally get into this sort of thing). We went on a walk this afternoon and finally decided on a house to "boo." We chose a family we did not know, but we know they had children! They also have Halloween decorations out so I know that they celebrate it and will hopefully play along. On our walk back home we prayed as a family that the little "boo" bag would brighten this family's day as it did ours.

Here is a photo of the kids and the "boo bag" that they worked really hard in helping us prepare. :) Excuse H's face - she was eating... :)

Contraception

Tonight I had the honor of hearing the Duggar family (from TLC's 19 Kids and Counting Show) speak and then the even greater honor of meeting them. I will blog about that opportunity soon (it was very neat!) however, I didn't want to let tonight pass without bodly stating my beliefs on Contraception. These beliefs were not founded tonight in light of the Duggar's speech, but have been heavy convictions of Jason's and mine for a long time.

In the risk of angering people, I'm sorry, but Jason and I are anti-contraception. We don't believe in the pill, the patch, the ring, or the IU device. In fact, we are MORALLY opposed to those methods. Why?! Plain and simple, they cause abortions. If you believe that life begins at conception and you believe that abortion is wrong... then it would only make sense for you to believe that all forms of medical birth control are wrong. A lot of people get "sensative" about this and I hesitate writing this... but it is the truth. One of the ways it "prevents" pregnancy is by not allowing a fertilized egg to implant into the uterous. That is an abortion. Life beings at conception... not when implantation occurs, not when the heart starts beating, and not when the baby is born.

I told Michelle Duggar tonight, "I am praying for an anti-contracpetion revival in the Protestant Church" -- that is very much a Catholic belief, but is not taught much in the Protestant Church. We believe abortions are wrong, but not birth control. That shouldn't be. As Jim Bob pointed out tonight in his speech, "We will never be a country that outlaws abortion until we become a country that values each life." In talking with him later in the evening, Jim Bob shared a web site with me: www.28daysonthepill.com  that I told him I would have to post. Check it out!

Michelle and Jim Bob both say that the Lord did a "heart work" on them after they suffered a miscarriage due to being on the pill. At that point the Lord changed their hearts to have His Heart for children. To see them not as a burden or a choice, but a blessing. They now have 19 blessings. The Lord did that same heart work in Jason and myself. We both have wanted a larger family... around 5 children at least, but as people who read this blog know... it took us a while three years before we were able to bring home our first blessing. In that time we suffered one miscarriage at 11 weeks, Elijah. Losing Elijah was very heartbreaking. We wanted that baby, we had worked for years for that baby... His life was meaningful, impactful, important. We didn't lose cells...we lost a baby with a soul!

After that, our lives were forever changed. We didn't take "life" for granted. We didn't want to stop at 5 children... we wanted however many children the Lord wants to give us... through pregnancy or adoption. We currently only have two, but we don't and never will prevent pregnancy. You might scoff and say, "talk to us when you have 5 and you'll be singing a different tune." But my response is, unless the Lord calls us to stop.... we won't stop.

What about other forms of "birth control" that aren't medical? Ones that don't cause abortions? Are those wrong? Well, morally, no I'm not as opposed to those... however, Jason and I don't believe in them. As I said, we are open to life. I don't want to put our plan above God's plan... I don't want to limit God...  Personally, I also could never look and Havana and Jonah and say, "no more" or "not right now" even on the bad days. To say: I love you, but I don't want more of you. Ouch. That's harsh to me. Now, I understand that there are times when finances and focusing on a marriage (such as that first year) hinder in a couple's decisions for when and when not try for children. I'm not judging those times at all, but I think there is a difference in "not trying" and "preventing." Jason and I can be not trying to children, but we won't be preventing. There are also natural ways such as NFP or the Creighton Model that help you know when your fertile days are so you know what days to avoid "activies." :) That's not wrong, that's being responsible.

I know, I know... this is a sensative topic. One that I don't mind sharing with friends, but hesitate mentioning on my blog or to people I don't know. Yet, I don't want to be like that anymore. The Lord has done a work on my heart and I don't only want my life to show it, but I want my words to support it as well. People think they have a right to choose when to add to their family. They can plan to have three children spaced out by two years each. But, what blessings are they missing out on when they do that? Love multiplies, it does not divide. People (Christians) can see abortion as one thing and birth control as another... so I dare to ask... are they really two different things?

Organs

As many of you know, being involved in Worship and Creative Arts ministries is very close to my heart. From crafting services to leading drama teams... I am invested in the Creative Arts side of Worship! Recently, I was part of a meeting regarding this very matter at church. So, perhaps that is why it was on the brain. Anyway, last night while we were out, I saw a license plate holder that said, "Souls go to heaven... Organs don't."

I laughed and pointed it out to Jason. He didn't seem as amused by it. I said, "that's pretty clever." He said, "Oh, okay." It was unique... I had never seen a license plate holder, or even a bumper sticker, that talked about progressive worship. We don't need organs in our churches anymore. I know lots of people feel that they add a lot, but as this car was clearly saying, "souls go to heaven... organs don't."

There was a graphic on the holder that I couldn't quite figure out. It looked like a stomach, but why would that be on there? Why not a cross or even a dove. Then, after about 2 minutes  (we were behind the car for a while) I busted out laughing and said, "Oh, organs as in human organs." Jason, perplexed, said, "yes, what other kind of organ would it be?" I enlightened him on how I thought it was talking about church organs. He then joined in my laughter. Apparently, I have Worship and Creative Arts on the brain a little too much! :)

Memories...

Tonight I was making dinner and my mind wandered down memory lane...

It was July of 2002 and I had know Jason Dugger for six months. I was in love with him and knew I wanted to marry him, but kept those feelings very much to myself. At that point, we were seeing each other weekly at church functions and had been out in a group setting with mutual friends, but had not been on a date.

I had a video I knew he wanted to see. I offered to let him borrow it or meet him at church and watch it there. He suggested coming to the house of a mutual friend where I was housesitting. I wasn't going to object to him coming over. He said he would call me after dinner and we could watch the movie that evening.

He called that afternoon and asked what I was doing for dinner. I told him I was planning on fixing pasta for myself. He invites himself over to join me and asks if he can bring something - I suggest a side.

He shows up, three hours earlier than our original estimation... and for the first time... the two of us are spending time alone. Our conversation is light and comfortable. We talk about my school (I was taking an economics class at the time) and his work. We play a game or two of pool where he tells me about how he used to go to smokey pool halls a lot in college. I asked him if he had been a smoker, he said no. We joke - he nicknames me "Barnabas" because I was so "encouraging" during our game. I won a game and he won a game.

I fix dinner and he offers to help. I decline and we continue talking while I cook. While I'm making dinner he gets up from his chair at the table and stands behind me. My heart begins to race... He takes one hand and puts it on the base of my neck - his fingers in my hair. He gently rubs my neck and thanks me for making such a wonderful dinner for him and says how happy he is to be here with me. I go weak at the knees.

At that moment, my mind was filled with marriage thoughts (shocking for a 19 year old girl, I know :)... I think about how I wanted to marry him and how he would thank me for making such great dinners for him by rubbing the back of my neck. :)

Eight years and two months later, I stand in our kitchen. We are a married couple with almost 6 years under our belt. He is playing with the children while I make us Shepperd's Pie for dinner. He comes up and thanks me for making such a nice dinner, giving me a gentle kiss on the cheek. My heart still leaps and I still go weak at the knees.

Jason Alan Dugger is amazing. Simply put, I have never known a more selfless man. He is gentle in spirit and his heart is kind. He thanks me everyday for cooking dinner just as he did that first dinner I made for him. He doesn't take me for granted (even though at times I take him...) and still amazes me. I am blessed to be his wife. I don't know how I managed it -- from the moment I met him I thought there would be no way... first, I couldn't believe he wasn't already married. During the early days of our friendship I kept preparing myself every day to see him at church and find out he had gotten engaged. He couldn't be single?! Then, I couldn't believe he would be interested in me. I was younger than he was... still in college... still a teenager. I was silly and immature at times. He was tall, handsome, and studly... I was short, a little plump, and had frizzy hair.

Somehow, he saw past that...

Back to that night in July of 2002... we eat dinner, laughing most of the time. I asked him to tell me his testimony as I didn't know yet how he had become a Christian. He shared his beautiful story with me of how he came to know Jesus at age 22. He told me who shared Christ with him and how his life drastically changed. I was sitting there amazed with the goodness of God.

We watch the movie, his original reason for coming over. By the time the movie ends it is almost midnight and Jason has over an hour drive home and work the next morning. Yet, he chooses to linger for a while longer. He told me how his boss was out of town so he could come in late. He lived close to where I was going to school and so he drew me a map of how to get to his house. (I still have that map :).

We sit out on the front porch swing. The stars are bright. We simply talk. He puts his arm around me and again plays with my hair. Then, he asks me how many children I want. I was shocked my the question but answered with, "5" - we discuss children, parenthood, and marriage.

We sit outside until almost 3am.

Finally, I suggest that he leaves. He agrees and thanks me again for dinner. I walk him to his truck where we embrace. We had hugged many times prior... but this was the first time that we remained in the embrace. It wasn't a quick hello or goodbye hug like in the past. It was affection. There was no kiss (I wasn't expecting one nor would I have accepted one at that time) but simply pure companionship. It was tender - it was kind.

Eight years and two months later... we still often find ourselves exchanging those hugs. Sure, there is more involved now :) -- but sometimes, throughout the day, we just rest in each others embrace. We find shelter... companionship. It is tender, it is kind...

I was thinking about all the details of that night as I was making dinner tonight. My heart still skips a beat when Jason walks in the room, when he moves in close for a hug or kiss, even when the phone rings and his name is on caller ID. I love him. I love everything about him. I love his character. His heart. His spirit. His kindness.

My love has grown. Certainly. There have been hard times, times of hurt. We don't have a perfect marriage. I have hurt him and he has hurt me. But we also have forgiveness. We know the others intentions. We offer grace to each other.

That grace strengthens our marriage. Builds a solid foundation. Earns each others trust.

That man who came to see me eight years and two months ago is now my life mate. My partner. My best friend. And I couldn't be more blessed or humbled at the journey the last 8 years and two months have been.

I'm so excited to see what the rest of our lives hold in store for us...

Goodbye Paci!

For the last week we have been slowly cutting Havana's paci. She only gets when she goes to sleep and this past week as we've cut it - we stopped giving it to her as we read our family devotions (which happens right before bed)and instead just lay it in her crib for her to find after we walk out of the room. It was funny when we first started cutting it, she put it in her mouth, pulled it out and said, "uh-oh" :)

Anyway, Jason has the next few days off and so we decided to take it away so that he can be here for any adjustment period. I am happy to announce that she put herself to bed rather quickly and without much fuss at all. We watched her on the video monitor and she just played with her toys and then rocked her head back and forth a bunch to fall asleep (something she has done her whole life). So, it wasn't nearly as painful as I was thinking it was going to be. However, I'm trying to brace myself for a possible early morning with her. I'm spoiled - she really doesn't wake up until about 8:30 or sometimes later and I wonder if she wakes up at 7:30 or so and can't find her paci if she will wake up. I refuse to go in and get my children before 8:00am - so she'll just have to play in her crib until then, but it might be an early morning for me. :)

Today was a very good day. I was able to sleep in until almost 10am (thanks to my wonderful husband who woke up with the children!) and then met at friend at Chick-fil-A for lunch. That was fun - I enjoyed talking with her and love how similar our desires and passions are. However, I love and hate Chick-fil-A. I love it, but I find myself getting so frustrated with the other parents. The parents who send their children into the play place unsupervised. The ones who sit and talk instead of telling their children not to push the other children down the stairs. Sometimes I have said something to a child or two, but most of the time, I just become angry with the lack of parenting. Oh well. I thought tonight that perhaps I should have prayed for those parents in keeping with Southeast's new vision of being a praying church. I have been very diligant about praying for those I pass on the street, those in my neighborhood, and even people in the grocery store. In fact, it was tonight while shopping that I was "priding" myself on taking this being a praying church motto so serious as I was praying for those who were shopping with me. Then the Lord pointed out how I didn't pray for any of the parents (or children) today and Chick-fil-A... oops! Thank goodness for grace! :)

This afternoon was nice at home. Did some laundry, played with the children, and spent time with my husband. Can't beat that. We loaded everyone up in the car and headed down to UL for their family fun night, "Cards Under the Stars" -- on the way there, Havana was sighing pretty loudly in the car in the backseat. I turned to Jason and asked if she had asthma. He said no and that she was doing what I do when I'm bored - sighing. I laughed because I had no idea that I do that. He laughed because he pictured Havana running up asking him if she has asthma because mommy thought she did. So, I'm a little dramatic. :)

UL was fun! I love being on that campus. Havana loved the bounce houses and she did really well keeping her own with the big kids. She really is quite fearless. She enjoyed dancing to the music and popping bubbles. To a child, I guess it really was a magical night. After we left UL we drove to our favorite little mexican place that is truly a hole in the wall. Jason took me there once when we were dating and I almost didn't eat there because of how it looked... but boy was it good. It is very close to campus (as well as Jason's old apartment and our first house) and so we went there a lot and it was actually the last meal we had in louisville before moving away in 2006. Tonight was our first night back and I am happy to report that it is still just as good. Seriously, the best dinner I've had in a while.

We came home and after we put the children to bed - I left for the grocery. I had a fun Friday night and I was dressed up... going out to the grocery by myself just added to the amazing night. I was embarrassed at how relaxing the grocery was when I was out with no children. It made me giddy - I know, I'm a nerd. I came home feeling as if I had gotten a massage. Okay, maybe not that good, but still very nice! :)

Room Time

I haven't written about room time for a while. Sadly, between vacation and the lack of AV in our house - we have not been able to do room time very often. However, we were able to do it today. Both children are comfortably staying in their rooms for 15 minutes which gives me enough time to hop in a quick shower. Havana does not cry at all anymore, but she does still throw toys over the gate after about 5 minutes in her room. Today - I noticed that she wasn't by the gate when room time was finished and there actually weren't many toys in the hall. When room time is over I always clap my hands and call down that hall, "Havana, you did! You had a good room time!" and when she hears me coming she starts clapping and runs to the gate to greet me with her sign for "all done." However, today, she did not come to greet me. I get to the gate and call for her again. That's when I hear a panicked "mom-mom" -- she had shut herself into her closet (which has no light) and could not get out. Poor girl... although I have to admit, it made me laugh! :)

Worn Down...

I don't know why, but for the past two days I have been struggling. It could be the fact that there is still no AC in our house and while over the weekend we were blessed with a few beautiful days -- it has returned again to the 90 degree heat and we are all sleeping in the living room. One or two days, sure that is adventure, three weeks... well, not so much. I feel so sorry for my kiddos, but they are doing really well with being flexible. I am not. Yesterday I kept praying for grace because I found myself wanting to snap at everyone.

I've been struggling with feeding Jonah too. He has slowed down a lot with his weight gain, which is fine, but I want to make sure he is still getting enough to eat. I've noticed over the past week that my milk supply is drying up. This didn't happen with Havana. I weaned her on my own by the time she was 10 months, but I never "ran out" -- I'm running out with Jonah. At his feeding times, he'll eat all that is there and still want more... I don't have any more to give him. No problem, you say, just give him a bottle?! Well, he won't take one. He still refuses bottles. So, I've been feeling worn down because I'm getting worried that he isn't getting enough. We started him on rice cereal on the 4th because of how hungry he seems. He did well with it and on the 5th and 6th he ate three bowls of rice cereal (mixed with formula) a day. Today, he has refused to eat the rice cereal. I switched the type of formula i was mixing it with and so I'm not sure if that is the reason why. Not really sure why. Poor guy. I am weary...

Don't get me wrong, still love being a wife and mama... but I've been super emotional and somewhat crabby the past 24 hours. I think it is more the heat and lack of sleep (the couch is only so comfortable...) than anything else. Hopefully soon we will have a working AC or cool fall days... either one is fine with me... just as long as we can sleep in our own rooms and have full reign of the house again instead of all piling into our kitchen/living room.

In other news... Jonah rolled all the way over! Yesterday he was getting very close and I wanted to capture this moment on film. I had a camera on him all day yesterday. However, he never made it completely. This morning, about 3:30AM ... I wake up to him grunting a lot. Remember, he is sleeping on the floor and I'm on the couch. I look over, and there he is on his belly. HA! Little man rolled all the way over, but alas, I had no camera to capture the moment. I turned him back around and proudly went back to sleep. Way to go, little man! So, technically, today (the 8th) was his first day to roll over.

I have discovered (yet again) that I should never underestimate Havana! :) I was cooking dinner the other night, Jonah was sitting in his swing, and Jason was outside pulling up weeds. I had my back to Havana who was playing on the floor and then all of a sudden I hear water running. My first thought was that Jason had come inside and started washing his hands. Nope, Havana had pulled one of the kitchen chairs over to our wet bar and proceeded to climb up it, turn the water on, and wash her hands. I laughed so hard! She is so funny and she can really help herself to anything in this house - yikes! :)

She has become best friends with side walk chalk these days. Every night she wants to go out on the driveway and color. I enjoy playing with her daily. Jonah is becoming very playful himself. I am excited for the two of them to start playing together a little more. Today, we went to the zoo and Havana was driving a truck and I put Jonah in the passenger seat. I'm not sure if he enjoyed it so much, but it was fun to see them in there together.

It is funny to watch how different God made them! Havana loves adventures! She loves swings, slides, running, and anything new and exciting. She gets very excited about little things. I'm pretty sure she will love roller coasters since she loves slides and spinning and she loved all the rides at Disney World last year. She gets eager to go places and become involved in things.

Jonah, he doesn't really care where we are. We've put him in a swing and he seems pretty indifferent. Havana's first time on the swing she was squealing with delight. I think Jonah will be more cautious and even tempered (like his daddy!) but I also think that sometimes he prefers to sit in the stroller or his car seat. I took the children to "Mother Goose on the Loose" yesterday which is a singing/dancing sort of story time at a local library. Havana loves it, loves clapping, dancing, and singing. Jonah sat on my lap and didn't seem to enjoy it very much. I ended up putting him in his car seat towards then end, and once he was in there, he finally smiled and began sucking his thumb. I think he just likes to chill. Cute, content little boy.

I love seeing how God made them different. They are both such miracles. You know, it was a year ago today that we found out we were pregnant with Jonah/Jonas (his twin who we lost around the 8th week). I have prayed that perhaps we will have another opportunity to parent twins - either biological or adopted - we'll see. I remember when we found out we were pregnant I was joking with Jason that I thought it was going to be twins... and it was! I miss and love Jonas!

Please pray that I have grace with my children today. I want to show them each day about the love of God and I fear I don't do that very well when I'm worn down...