Memories...

Tonight I was making dinner and my mind wandered down memory lane...

It was July of 2002 and I had know Jason Dugger for six months. I was in love with him and knew I wanted to marry him, but kept those feelings very much to myself. At that point, we were seeing each other weekly at church functions and had been out in a group setting with mutual friends, but had not been on a date.

I had a video I knew he wanted to see. I offered to let him borrow it or meet him at church and watch it there. He suggested coming to the house of a mutual friend where I was housesitting. I wasn't going to object to him coming over. He said he would call me after dinner and we could watch the movie that evening.

He called that afternoon and asked what I was doing for dinner. I told him I was planning on fixing pasta for myself. He invites himself over to join me and asks if he can bring something - I suggest a side.

He shows up, three hours earlier than our original estimation... and for the first time... the two of us are spending time alone. Our conversation is light and comfortable. We talk about my school (I was taking an economics class at the time) and his work. We play a game or two of pool where he tells me about how he used to go to smokey pool halls a lot in college. I asked him if he had been a smoker, he said no. We joke - he nicknames me "Barnabas" because I was so "encouraging" during our game. I won a game and he won a game.

I fix dinner and he offers to help. I decline and we continue talking while I cook. While I'm making dinner he gets up from his chair at the table and stands behind me. My heart begins to race... He takes one hand and puts it on the base of my neck - his fingers in my hair. He gently rubs my neck and thanks me for making such a wonderful dinner for him and says how happy he is to be here with me. I go weak at the knees.

At that moment, my mind was filled with marriage thoughts (shocking for a 19 year old girl, I know :)... I think about how I wanted to marry him and how he would thank me for making such great dinners for him by rubbing the back of my neck. :)

Eight years and two months later, I stand in our kitchen. We are a married couple with almost 6 years under our belt. He is playing with the children while I make us Shepperd's Pie for dinner. He comes up and thanks me for making such a nice dinner, giving me a gentle kiss on the cheek. My heart still leaps and I still go weak at the knees.

Jason Alan Dugger is amazing. Simply put, I have never known a more selfless man. He is gentle in spirit and his heart is kind. He thanks me everyday for cooking dinner just as he did that first dinner I made for him. He doesn't take me for granted (even though at times I take him...) and still amazes me. I am blessed to be his wife. I don't know how I managed it -- from the moment I met him I thought there would be no way... first, I couldn't believe he wasn't already married. During the early days of our friendship I kept preparing myself every day to see him at church and find out he had gotten engaged. He couldn't be single?! Then, I couldn't believe he would be interested in me. I was younger than he was... still in college... still a teenager. I was silly and immature at times. He was tall, handsome, and studly... I was short, a little plump, and had frizzy hair.

Somehow, he saw past that...

Back to that night in July of 2002... we eat dinner, laughing most of the time. I asked him to tell me his testimony as I didn't know yet how he had become a Christian. He shared his beautiful story with me of how he came to know Jesus at age 22. He told me who shared Christ with him and how his life drastically changed. I was sitting there amazed with the goodness of God.

We watch the movie, his original reason for coming over. By the time the movie ends it is almost midnight and Jason has over an hour drive home and work the next morning. Yet, he chooses to linger for a while longer. He told me how his boss was out of town so he could come in late. He lived close to where I was going to school and so he drew me a map of how to get to his house. (I still have that map :).

We sit out on the front porch swing. The stars are bright. We simply talk. He puts his arm around me and again plays with my hair. Then, he asks me how many children I want. I was shocked my the question but answered with, "5" - we discuss children, parenthood, and marriage.

We sit outside until almost 3am.

Finally, I suggest that he leaves. He agrees and thanks me again for dinner. I walk him to his truck where we embrace. We had hugged many times prior... but this was the first time that we remained in the embrace. It wasn't a quick hello or goodbye hug like in the past. It was affection. There was no kiss (I wasn't expecting one nor would I have accepted one at that time) but simply pure companionship. It was tender - it was kind.

Eight years and two months later... we still often find ourselves exchanging those hugs. Sure, there is more involved now :) -- but sometimes, throughout the day, we just rest in each others embrace. We find shelter... companionship. It is tender, it is kind...

I was thinking about all the details of that night as I was making dinner tonight. My heart still skips a beat when Jason walks in the room, when he moves in close for a hug or kiss, even when the phone rings and his name is on caller ID. I love him. I love everything about him. I love his character. His heart. His spirit. His kindness.

My love has grown. Certainly. There have been hard times, times of hurt. We don't have a perfect marriage. I have hurt him and he has hurt me. But we also have forgiveness. We know the others intentions. We offer grace to each other.

That grace strengthens our marriage. Builds a solid foundation. Earns each others trust.

That man who came to see me eight years and two months ago is now my life mate. My partner. My best friend. And I couldn't be more blessed or humbled at the journey the last 8 years and two months have been.

I'm so excited to see what the rest of our lives hold in store for us...