Getting so Big...

Dear Children,

It seems like every day I want to write about all the new things you are doing and discovering.

Havana, this week you all of a sudden decided you did not want to sit in your booster seat. I don't know where this came from - but you asked me if you could sit in the open chair next to your booster for lunch. I rolled with it and said sure. From that meal on you have not sat in your booster seat and in fact we have removed it from the table. What a big girl. Then, last night, as we were getting ready to brush your teeth you said, "I do it?" -- you wanted to brush your teeth all by yourself. I handed you the toothbrush and you went at it... I was so proud of you, but I must admit it was weird seeing you so independent. Standing on your stool, brushing your teeth, spitting in the sink. I thought to myself, "who is this big girl?"

We are having so much fun these days: truly laughing at things together (okay, my laugh is more because your laugh is so beautiful), playing hide-n-go-seek, and snuggling in bed together. We have a new early morning routine. You have been waking up earlier these days... around 8am and your siblings don't usually get up until 9am and so I bring you into bed with me and you get to play with my phone and I get to close my eyes again. Daddy and I have always said we don't want children in our bed -- it is for us -- and that is certainly true at night, but in the AM when it is just us... I think it is fun and you view it as a treat. :) It's fun to snuggle you. You first started asking for it by describing it. I would walk in your room in the AM and you would say, "I sit on Mama and Daddy's night-night bed. I snuggle you. You say, "oh, havana, you are so special." -- how could I say no to something like that? Then you started saying, "mama, I snuggle you and you say, 'I close my eyes.'" Guess I can't hide the fact I'm resting from you! :)

Along with your new three year old self... you have developed a horrible fear of the dark. It seemed to happen one night out of the blue. Daddy was at work and I put you to bed just like I do every other night. I put Jonah to bed and then I was putting Selah to bed when I heard you talking. You normally talk, but this was much louder and much more anxious than your normally sound so I open your door to tell you to go to sleep and I realize your light is on. I turn your light off and you immedatly run out of your room crying hysterically saying, "no light off. I'm scared." It took me a minute to process what happened and as I tried to get you to come back into your room you became hysterical. I finally calmed you down and sat with you in your room (lights on). I brought in a little lamp from our room, but you still wanted your main light on and your door open. I tried taking you into our room, but again, nothing seemed to help. I finally laid down with you in your bed. I have never, ever wanted to lay down with my children to go to sleep - bed time is bed time. Anyway, I laid down with you and ended up falling asleep. You woke me up once to tell me Selah was crying. Finally, you fell asleep shortly after 1am! I kept the lamp on and closed your door around 3am and you woke up a few minutes later freaking out. It was a long night... followed by many other long nights.

We went to the store the next day and bought you a "special lamp" - one that goes in your room and helps you sleep. Turning it on has become a special part of your night time routine. For a few days that helped us keep the main light off, but you still very much wanted the door open. You've never slept with your door open, but we let you do so for about a week. It was during that time we started battling you all over again. Not because you were afraid of the dark, but because you realized that mommy and daddy don't go to bed right when you do. At first it was heartbreaking. Instead of singing yourself to sleep like you normally do, you would call for us, ask us if we were coming, yell at Jonah and Selah in their rooms, and finally after a while of no one answering you would say, "Mommy, it's me Havana."

Then it went from being heartbreaking to funny. Daddy would sneeze two rooms away and you would yell, "Bless you, Dada." I made a noise that for some reason you thought was popcorn popping and you yelled, "Hey. I want popcorn too. I said... I want popcorn too." When I would be picking up toys downstairs you would yell, "Hey, are you playing?" and then, "Hey, whose making that noise?" -- these comments that you would yell from your bed made me laugh, but made me realize we needed to shut your door again. So we did. It took one night of you being upset about it, but after that you're back to going to bed like a champ. We shut the door and you sing and pray yourself to sleep. Makes my heart happy. Love you, dear one. :) 

Jonah, you're so big too! You certainly are my "do it myself" little boy! When Havana started sitting without her booster - you wanted to as well. I even handed you a spoon and a yogurt and you sat in the chair (no booster) and ate it. What a big boy you are! You're obeying commands and saying 2-3 word phrases. Your newest words are color, tunnel, Christmas Tree, Christmas tree lights, and balloon. We are still having trouble with you learning to "gain self control." -- you always want to do it yourself and when you aren't able to you throw yourself up on the couch and throw a fit... leading us to say, "Jonah, you need to gain self control." -- you can obey other commands, but that one not so much! Daddy says I have a bleeding heart for you... which I do... but I'm going to try to get better about teaching you the beauty of self control. :)

You are becoming quite the actor (I think being dramatic runs in the genes). Havana barely touches you and you fake a fall and fake a cry. I'll go into get you in the mornings - I know you're awake because I hear you, but once I walk in you'll fall down and act asleep requiring me to "wake" you up. You're so funny. You do require quite a bit of "wake up" time - no matter how long you've been up - once we get you out of your bed you want to snuggle for 30-40 minutes. When we can, we happily give this to you. :)

You also have a soft spot for Tucker. There is a saying that goes, "every dog should have a little boy" and I certainly agree. You get sad when Daddy scolds him or when I locks him outside. You will try to open the door for him (something you love to do) and you'll notice it is locked so you'll come crying to me and point to the door and say, "Tucker."  You want to be wherever he is and I can't wait to see the special bond you two will have.

You did give us a scare the other day. You got away from us at the mall! I was feeding baby Selah and Daddy was playing with you and H in the play area. Havana got hurt and while we were both looking at her you ventured out of the play area. Daddy looked at me and said, "Can you see Jonah?" -- I could not. He could not. It took us about three seconds to spot you - you were three stores down hanging out in front of the GNC with a group of people standing around you wondering who you belonged to. It was only a few seconds of not knowing where you are, but certainly enough to scare us to death. You are our little escape artist! You're my active little boy and I love you, buddy!

Selah, oh my dear child. This past week you had two days were everything was perfect. You were content, you ate every three hours, and your sleeping habits went right back to being beautiful. Two wonderful days. Then, you resurfaced. You screamed all  day, your sleep went back to being little, and your wanted to eat all day. So, I realized I have not done a very good job sleep training you. I was a sleep training guru with your siblings, but funny how that hasn't been much on my radar since you've been home. Well, times are changing, I'm starting to make you put yourself to sleep - and in fact, last night was the first night you went to bed unswaddled. I'm allowing you to cry it out. And during the day I'm pushing you to go 2.5 hours between each feed. It's a struggle. You don't like it, but I'm giving you the gift of sleep and in the long run we'll both be thankful. I just want you to know that I love you so very much and that even on the days when you test me... I still think it is wonderful to be your mommy!