Amazing Day...

As always, I am behind on this blog. I have a running list of posts to write for this blog... hopefully I will get to that soon. Today was such a special day, though, that I wanted to recap before I forgot:

A few weeks ago, I purchased tickets to hear Ann Voskamp speak at the north american christian convention. I have always wanted to go to the NACC and Jason was off of work so he could watch the children.
On my way to the convention, I prayed... I prayed for Jason and the children, I prayed for my experience, and I prayed that I would not "seek" to meet Ann. Back when i was involved in politics, I remember how I made my way to the front of the room to meet politicians. I didn't want to do that. I wanted this to be different. I felt a peace all morning.

I arrived and found a fairly close meter spot, but only had an hour and half worth of quarters. I knew my meter would expire while I was in there, but I figured it was worth it. I didn't have anyone to sit with, but once in the room I ran into our pastor's wife (and an old mentor of mine) and so I sat at her table. Ann's talk was great. She talked about the importance of choosing Joy. My favorite take aways were:

• If we aren't choosing to seek Joy every minute of every day - it our our family (our marriages and our children) that lose.
• She mentioned the fact that we are going to lose every single person we love - we will either bury them or they will bury us. (her telling the story of watching her two year old sister get run over by a truck was incredibly painful as I thought about Havana and Selah...) 
• She said she has wasted so much of her life longing for the future that she forgot the gift of the present. I can relate to that and needed to repent. 

As the lunch ended, someone mentioned that she was going to be hosting a teaching session on blogging! I was already there and so figured why not stay and try to hear her speak. My marriage blog (darbydugger.com) is something that scares me, but it is something that I feel the Lord is asking me to do. I don't write so I don't know why this is where He has me, but oh well. I make my way to her classroom and they are turning people away saying it is filled, but low and behold as I get ready to turn around a lady says, "there is a seat at the front." Somehow... I ended up on the front row. At that point I knew God had me there. 

My view from the front row.

Ann spoke directly to my heart. She talked about blogging for an audience of One. This blog is my personal blog- pretty much like an online journal of our family... the ministry blog is also a lesson journal of sorts - where I write out marriage lessons. I do struggle sometimes with comparing that blog to other ministry blogs. I usually end up discouraged because my numbers aren't big, not many people are active, etc. The Lord is faithful in reminding me that He called them to those blogs and me to this one... different audiences, different purposes.... but still, I end up feeling insecure. However, Ann encouraged people to blog "messy" - to be real - to not worry about the numbers because if we view our blog as an alter... that is all that matters. She said that she doesn't have ads on her blog (I don't either) and that she doesn't allow comments or a site meter. I ended up coming home and taking my site meter off because I would focus on how many people were visiting. It simply isn't necessary. All I need of focus on is writing authenic words and asking the Lord to use them. It was incredibly encouraging. 

After her talk (about 3pm), they said that Ann was not going to be meeting anyone until 5:15. Well, I knew I wasn't going to stay that long, but as I said hi to a few friends (who were hosting/volunteering) they introduced me to Ann. I don't know why, but I feel that the meeting was of the Lord. We met, we talked about kids (she said I didn't look old enough to have four kids, bless her heart, ha). We talked about husbands. We talked about writing. I gave her a copy of my book and she opened it up and said, "Wait. Did you sign it?" "no." "You have to sign it." She had me sign my book. We hugged and she whispered, "You just keep doing what you are doing." I fought back tears. How did she know I needed to hear those words? 

Thank you, Lord, for allowing that experience and for whatever might come of it. To You be the glory. 

As I made my way back to the car- still in disbelief over the events of the day - I found that there was NO ticket on my car (my meter spot had been expired well over an hour). I make my way home and wondered if Jason would have been a little stressed. All four children and I was a few hours late in coming home... I walk in, silence. He had gotten all the  children down for their rest times. He seemed peaceful. The Lord truly blessed that part of my day because He knew if Jason had been stressed it would have made me feel guilty for having been gone, but He gifted me with the perfect day.

We ended the night by taking all the kids to the 4-H fair. What an enjoyable evening.

911

I'm organizing old photos and I came across this one... If you notice the call log you will see that someone dialed 911... That would be Havana. She called them from Jason's phone while waiting for Jonah to get his hair cut. Jason hung up the phone and they called right back- Jason said that everything was fine-- just. A 4 year old learning what an emergency is! Haha!

Inquisitive (and funny) Havana

Havana has been all over the "why" question lately... everything is met with "why?"

She is also super into spiritual questions. The other day we were in the car and she was talking about her grandmother. She asked about her dog, Rachel, and "are we always going to see Rachel when we go to her house?"

I said, "well, yes, until Rachel goes to heaven."

"Why will Rachel go to heaven?"
"well, when you are finished living on the earth - you go to live in heaven."
"Does everyone go to heaven?"
"No... all the people who have Jesus in their heart do.... and animals. I don't know for certain, but I'm pretty sure animals go to heaven."
"Like horses and cats?"
"yes."
"Like Tucker?"
"yes."
"So, when I go to heaven I can play with Tucker?"
"yes." (okay, I don't know for sure animals go to heaven...)
"So which people go to heaven?"
"Anyone who has Jesus in their heart. He died for everyone, but it up to them to ask him into their heart."
"I don't think Norman Price will go to heaven."

And with that I busted out laughing... Norman Price is a character on one of their shows who is always the troublemaker. Then I regained my composure and said,
"Well, we don't know. We could pray for him... maybe he will come to know Jesus."

Then I felt strange having my daughter pray for a fictional character so I tried to restate that if we meet people "like" Norman Price we should pray for their heart. She was confused and wanted to know why Norman wasn't real. Then she asked about all of her TV show friends... wondering if they were real. If I said no she would ask "why not?" Complicated. Not sure I knew how to direct that conversation. She also then asked if the "Louisville Cardinals, Kentucky Wildcats, and the Buckeyes" will be in heaven. I refrained from making a joke that only an adult would understand and simply explained that those are sports teams and their are no sports teams in heaven. I can't believe I'm having these conversations with my 4.5 year old. When did she get so big?!

Tonight we were playing "shark" and I was the shark trying to eat some little fish and she said, "don't eat them... they want to grow up." Yikes!

She is a delight. Love being her mama!

Lunch conversation

Today at lunch:

Jonah: Daddy, do you want to play firefighter with me? 

Jason: I can't right now I'm getting ready to go to work.

Darby: Jonah sure does love pretending to be a firefighter 

Jonah: no, not pretending... I am a firefighter 

Cute boy! 

A Jason story.

Jason told me this story today, 

"I went to pick up Havana from her nursery class and she was hard at work at the table so I figured I would wait a minute before I got her. I was sitting in the hall when Jackson (one of her friends) passed by me and then announced, "Havana, your dad is here."  It stopped me because when did our kids become so old that they have friends who recognize us. Also, I wanted to correct Jackson and say, "I am havana's daddy!" I'm not to the dad stage yet. 

Reflections

One of Satan's tactics when raging war with me is discouragement. He often whispers lies into my mind that I dwell on rather than dismiss. In those seasons when I am not diligent about taking every thought captive, I can quickly become discouraged. The past two weeks I have been in that emotional state specifically in regards to my writing and my marriage blog (check it out at darbydugger.com).

You see, I did the whole publication process backwards. I published my book and then started a blog. Typically, the reverse is true: You begin a blog, grow your audience, and then tackle the book beast. However, I felt so convicted by the Lord to turn my 2009 e-mails into a devotional that I didn't want to delay my obedience by going about the release in the conventional way (And, let's face it, the Lord rarely calls us to the conventional). At that time, the Lord asked me to publish a book - not build a blog so that is what I did.

For the Love of Our Husbands was released two weeks before we had Selah and it has done better than I ever imagined! I have heard from people all around the world who have been blessed by the words found within those pages. When that happens, all I can do is praise the Lord because clearly it is His work. Only He can take something I wrote in 2009 and make it applicable to someone else today.

Over the past year I have spontaneously blogged on my book's blog, but only the last four months can trace the hand of God throughout my writing on that site. He has orchestrated my days so that I have time to blog regularly (four children in four years with a "no computer while the children are awake" policy makes writing a bit of a challenge!). In addition to time, the Lord has given me a heart for this blog... something I previously didn't have.

With God stirring up my heart for my marriage blog and gifting me with time to keep it active... I have been amazed at all He is doing. The monthly newsletter and Pray-Day Thursdays are results of His vision being birthed in my heart. While the act of writing scares me (I don't pretend to have perfect grammar).. I have been excited for the growing ministry.

Yet, walking in obedience to the Lord brings opposition. The Enemy has been scheming and I have been falling prey. I began comparing my blog to others and quickly felt inadequate. I tried to connect with similar bloggers and have been ridiculed (some Christian bloggers are quite snobby!). E-mails have been sent to my account that have been disheartening to read. People have unsubscribed from my work. The past two weeks have been discouraging to say the least.

Yesterday, I published my 100th blog post on darbydugger.com. (I didn't even realize it was my hundredth or I might have offered a giveaway or something... ). The Lord knew my heart was heavy about all of this and so He allowed me to run into a sweet friend who thanked me for the blog posts. At the time, I was trying to keep up with all four children at a park and couldn't accurately thank her for her words, but the timing was perfect. Then, at dinner last night I was telling my husband how discouraged I was about a certain response to one of my posts... at the exact moment I was telling him this I received a text thanking me for the post. This morning I was also greeted by a few more encouraging e-mails. As I have reflected over the past 24 hours, I can't miss The Lord's graciousness and peace in the midst of my own self doubt. He knew I needed to be encouraged and He blessed me with perfectly timed booster shots. The Lord is growing my ministry in His time and His way... and that is all what I want.

The numbers don't matter. The comments (positive or negative) don't matter. The only thing of importance is that I am following the Lord's leading... as long as I am merely a vessel, the Lord will glorify Himself. That's all I want.

Talking back!

Tonight Havana talked back to me for the first time!!!! She was playing with one of my shoes on the kitchen table and I said, "Havana, will you put that shoe in the show box, please." Her response was a timid, "you put it away. It is your shoe." You could tell she was testing the waters by how low she said it... Both Jason and I used that moment to teach her about being respectful. Jason said he thought she had genuine remorse over it... I hope so.